Protect Self Defence

Latest Column from Darcy: 'Random attacks'

2012-01-22T17:51:00.000-08:00

Over the summer break, there have been two high profile attacks that have been referred as random by some media - and that seriously troubles me. These attacks were the murder of Phil Cottrell in Wellington city and the violent sexual attack on a young girl who was touring with her family from Belgium.

What troubles me is this: that the often used term “random” gives many the impression that these attacks could not have been predicted which is not entirely correct.
These attacks were not completely random: Both the attackers of Phil Cottrell and the young girl had a propensity to commit these crimes, which is plainly obvious. This propensity isn’t a fleeting and random thing. If you had seen the things that these attackers have done in their lives and the continual increase in severity of these things, you too might have predicted these crimes happening. Indeed, perhaps some had.

These attacks were literally inevitable. Even the choosing of who might be the potential victim might feel random to us, but it isn’t to the attacker. The attacker will choose, and test, who they feel will be a suitable victim. So really, what aspect is left that make these attacks random?

I’ve raised a number of points which merit more discussion, but the main point is this: Do not think that there is nothing you can do to prevent these attacks because they are purely random. They are not.

2012-01-02T16:37:00.000-08:00

Aucklanders...Check out the info below (copied from my email) on GPP (General Physical Preparedness). This is some of the best training I have ever done and I highly recommend the training as well as the trainers! Give it a go, it is seriously awesome... Phil

Thank you for your interest in our upcoming GPP (General Physical Preparation) Intro Course!

If you are receiving this email it is because either you or someone who cares a lot about you has recommended you join us for the upcoming 4 week intro course. (Feel free to forward the
info onto friends if you think they may be interested -we only advertise through word of mouth - first come first served). GPP is a great way to improve your overall physical condition, including the 10 components of fitness (see pic attached!). You will learn all the fundamental movements of GPP (based on a combination of kettlebell, dumbbell, medicine ball and bodyweight training, Olympic weightlifting, gymnastics and more!) in small groups with your own specialist coach - much like a PT session but with the fun of having others along to motivate you and inspire you. Our Dec '11 intro program was a great success with literally everyone improving on their baseline
fitness scores and alongside the Nutrition Challenge many participants gained significant amounts of lean muscle mass, lost body fat and made massive improvements in their general well being.

Next Intro Course:
4 weeks (8 sessions) starting January 17th & 18th

Session Days & Times:
Morning option: Tuesday & Thursday 7-8am
Afternoon option: Wednesday & Friday 5.30-6.30pm

Coach
Mr. Jeremy Hanna
3rd Degree in Taekwon-Do, Current World Champion and Level 1 Crossfit Certified Coach

Cost
$120 ($15 per session)

What to Expect
-8 fun and diverse sessions covering all basic GPP movements
-Each session includes a warm-up, technical portion and challenging workout of the day (WOD)
-These sessions will give you the confidence to join in regular classes and or safely exercise on your own with sound technique
-Baseline fitness testing (guaranteed results or your money back if you attend all 8 sessions!)
-Nutritional advice & support
-Weekly emails from Coach Jeremy with your results, photos, advice and motivation to keep you on track and learning as much as possible
-Access to the members only section of the website where we post workouts, photos and results

What next?!
To confirm your interest - please make an appointment to register in person at the Warrior Training Zone, 198 Marua Rd, prior to the start of the course.
You will need to complete a quick registration form and answer some questions so that we know that it is safe for you to exercise (ie any history of prior injuries that we should be aware of). We will take a photo of you for your membership card and process payment - eftpos, cash, cheque, bank transfer all accepted.

If you have any questions about the program or registration, please do not hesitate to contact me. Usually email or text (021 992 777) are best and I will get back to you as soon as possible! If you have questions about the course content, you are welcome to contact Coach Jeremy directly at: jeremydhanna@gmail.com

We look forward to having you with us and introducing you to the amazing results and benefits we have experienced ourselves and know you will too!

Carolina Dillen BSc (Hons)

http://www.wtkd.co.nz/

Protect supporting Young Mum's program

2011-12-30T18:36:00.000-08:00

Protect have been honoured to support Te Waipuna Puawai with their 'Young Mum's' program in Auckland this year providing services under our Community Support Program. It was awesome to receive this Christmas card from the team!

Women's Empowerment & Safety Seminar in RPE newsletter

2011-12-30T18:24:00.000-08:00

'Self Defense vs Self Worth'...A Protect Team Member's Perspective

2011-12-08T12:46:00.000-08:00

I've been coming along to Phil Thompson’s peace and harmony sessions (AKA "Protect Group Classes" - Phil) for about 3 years now and I’m finding its changing me in interesting ways. Let me explain….. It’s a bit of a journey but bear with me. The perspective might surprise you.

Recently my wife, my 18 month old boy and I were in our people-mover heading
down the southern motorway. I usually travel in the middle lane, today there
was someone in the middle lane doing about 70 kmph, I moved into the far right
lane (aka the fast lane, never made sense to me the limit is still 100 right?).
I moved into the right hand lane and could see a ute coming up behind me very
fast, a big shiny black V8 ute in a big hurry.

I must have been out in the fast lane for 10 seconds doing about 100 kmph, and the ute
was on me, I think maybe 2 meters off my rear bumper. It’s a strange reality,
it’s a bit like it’s all hardly moving, because you're all moving at the same
speed. But imagine if something goes wrong, imagine the tearing, ripping sound
as we all slow down to zero in an instant. So there I am, the guy in the ute
pulls into the middle lane and then passes me. When he’s gone past he pulls
hard right, so hard my wife actually yelped (not a term I'd normally
use!!). As he pulled back into the right hand lane he cut me off so hard that
his rear bumper was perhaps 50cm from my front bumper.

So, what now? This was really threatening; in fact it was life threatening for
my entire family. So what now?

Roll forward about 2 weeks, I'm sitting in a friends lounge recounting all
this. I make the point, “ what am I supposed to do, have some kind of suicidal
western style duel at 100kmph on the southern motorway”. Now my friend has heard
me spout the “hoiler than thou” doctrine for years” and he calls me out in the
best fashion.

“But you can’t keep doing that right? You can’t keep just letting people walk
over you with no comeback, you’ve got to stand up for yourself right?”. “So that
guy has forgotten about you as just another twat to shunt out of the way, but
it’s weeks later and your still thinking about it” so somehow he won, I mean,
your still dealing with it, he’s not”.

Well, those comments really made me think about this. But then I realized
something really important, it’s me talking about this to my friends, my
family, my close friends at Protect that is the positive outlet. When my friend
Jim asked, “So aren’t you just bottling this up”. My answer is “yes, kind of".
It all becomes part of the case study….. Part of the testimony that protects me,
my friends, my training partners.

Because I can tell them there is a way to express this without risking life and limb, there is a way to make this a positive outcome. It’s a way that certainly makes my world a lot safer, teaches my little boy how to behave (i.e not like a baboon). It's very cathartic, sure I will chew on these experiences, mull them over, but they are infact a positive, an opportunity to learn about myself. And finally I’m really at a point where I trust myself to make good decisions, that’s a
great outcome!

Workplace 'Bully' loses his advantage! (repost)

2011-11-23T18:56:00.000-08:00

This is a re-post of an earlier blog as this issue has just come to light again...

At Protect we don't use the term 'bullying' for any situations involving anyone older than around 10 years. After that age we call it what it really is: 'Peer Aggression'.

By giving the issue the mantle that it deserves people tend to take the issue more seriously, and it is a serious issue. It causes loss of confidence, self esteem, and self belief, it has caused suicides, murders, assaults, and substance abuse, broken up families and ruined countless people's lives.

It is not an issue that should be tolerated, either at school, the workplace or in any other facet of life.

Yesterday I received an email from a man who attended one of our recent 'Best Defence (phase 1)' courses, I'll call him Joe, which is not his real name. He explained how he had been the target of a 'workplace bully' for the past year. He had bought the issue up to management only to have it 'played down' and to a large degree, dismissed. It has caused him huge stress and affected his home life and his health. He told me that he has been looking for another job unsuccessfully, and that the sole reason for him wanting to leave his employer of six years (at a job that he otherwise loves) was because of this person.

At 'Best Defence' (as with all of our core courses) we address the behvioural and psychological aspects of self defence as well as the physical. Because of the way we train attendees there is an immediate shift in belief systems, resulting in greater confidence and a feeling of personal empowerment. This is the basis of effective self defence.Jow explained that the course had such a deep impact on him that he walked into his office on Monday morning a different person, different to the person who left on Friday night. He took immedite action on the issue of his tormentor. He had a meeting with his boss where he confidently explained what was happening and what the options were for them. His boss has now taken the matter seriously and is standing behind Joe with the support and action required.He then met with the man who has been causing the issues. Joe told me that he would NEVER have been able to have the conversation, with the degree of confidence and certainty, prior to the course. He addressed the issue in a non-challenging, non-threatening way, but with a confidence and focus that left his prior aggressor under no illusions of his options. He also did it in such a way as to let the man save face and have a 'way out' (which we teach), and the man took it. He has gained an apology and the past week has been a different experience for him when he arrives at work. In his words: " The weight is off my shoulders and I am actually enjoying going to work again."

How did this take place? Because self defence (real Self Defence) training empowers you with a confidence and belief system which all on it's own makes you a 'hard target' for aggressor's, it grows you as a person from your core.

Emerson once said: "Who you are screams so loudly in my ears that I can not hear what you are saying"

Joe told me that he originally attended our course (thinking like most people that self defence is all about martial arts and/or solely physical moves, which it is not) to learn to physically protect himself becasue he expected the situation to get so bad that he would be assaulted physically. He said that what he gained was infinitely more, it made him a strong person, with the confidence to stand up for himself and the skills to do it in a way which made the situation better and not worse.

I acknowledge Joe for realising the need to imporove his situation, for attending the course, for taking the action, and for sharing his story with me.This is what self defence at Protect is all about.

Protect assisting Youthline

2011-11-09T16:06:00.000-08:00

Protect Self Defence NZ are very proud to be partnering and sponsoring YouthLine in a new inititive to build a $3million Youth and Community Development Centre in South Auckland. This will make a significant difference to the South Auckland community! Very cool.

Rape Prevention Education

2011-11-09T15:55:00.000-08:00

We have had amazing feedback from the attendees of the 'Women's Personal Safety' seminar in Auckland! As well as sharing valuable information, we also raised much needed funds for RPE! Excellent result all round, and we would like to thank everyone who helped make it happen, especially Chris Mitch and the teams at PropertyTutors and OBD design. You guys all rock!
Phil

Widen your view - Latest article by Darcy Mellsop

2011-10-19T16:10:00.000-07:00

Just over a week ago I provided a self defence presentation as part of a Bunnings Ladies
only night. Before the presentation I was talking to a lady who supplied me
with a pretty simple perspective to self defence: Just punch him in the groin.

I said that self defence is more than physical. To which she replied: Of course, you can just
run. Me: What if you can’t run? Her: Well - just don’t be there.
Me: Is it that simple? There were over 7000 instances of assault and sexual assault
reported to Police in the Wellington region last year, surely not one of those
7000 survivors of those incidents chose to be there, so then, “just not being
there” isn’t that easy is it?

I shared with her Rachel’s story, as I had in this column 6 weeks ago. What does “just
not being there” mean? I put it to her that it can’t be about not going for a
run, not seeing a movie late at night, not meeting new people, and in Rachel’s
case, not dating ever again? Avoidance does require great decision making, but
it isn’t living at home behind a locked door all your life.

Great avoidance is about being able to live a full life knowing that your intuition
is empowered to spark when it detects something that isn’t right. Your
intuition needs to be empowered with information, which is what I shared in my
presentation, I’ve shared with you in earlier columns and will share with you
in future columns. That is self defence.

"Breaking The News" Latest article from Darcy

2011-10-12T20:15:00.001-07:00

Knives in schools...

2011-10-09T16:23:00.000-07:00

The October 16th edition of the Herald On Sunday (pg 16) featured an article titled ‘Armed in The Classroom”. The front page teaser for the article read “Knives in schools. The statistics that will shock you”

Well, the statistics did not shock me. They didn't even surprise me.

The original article and link to the original is below this blog.

You can read the statistics for yourself and yes, they are not good. They also don't paint an accurate picture of the scale of the problem. I know this because I work with and around violence every day. I have worked in schools ranging from low decile to decile 10. And this problem is a serious one. Of course we could look at the all of the underlying factors here, the issues that cause the violence which is now more and more frequently involving weapons, but I have commented, discussed and written about this before so I want to keep this to the specific subject of weapons in schools.

Last year I was working with a group of year 12 boys in a decile 10 school. The subject of knives came up and I asked them “how many people in here know someone at this school who has bought a knife to school, either yourself or someone else, recently?” There were 27 students in the class, eight raised their hand.

I asked them why they thought “these people” (I knew I was talking directly to some of them) bought weapons to school. The most common answer was ‘Self Defence’. Other answers included “to look tough”, “because they’re marked” etc…

This prompted me to have a very frank and blunt discussion with them about what they ‘thought’ constituted self defence and where knives fall into that equation, the true consequences of the action of carrying a weapon (legal, moral, ethical, emotional, financial, scholarly, career, family), and a look at the real risks associated with this practise vs the perceived gains. The discussion had a profound effect on them with a unanimous agreement that it was a very bad idea. I have worked with students long enough to know when they are saying something simply to placate me and when they genuinely ‘get it’, and this was a situation where they genuinely ‘got it’.

Several of the students made comments along the lines of “nobody has ever made me think of it like that before”, "You (meaning them) just do it because others do it but no-one really makes you think about what could happen” etc…

The HOD for the school, who was sitting in attendance for the session made the comment to me afterwards that this was so valuable because I was able to have a discussion with the kids “that the teachers can’t have and that they don’t get at home from dad”. It had a huge impact on this group and has on several other’s since, but that is just the tip of the iceberg.

One such talk resulted in a student approaching me after the session and handing me a makeshift knife. He told me “Thank you sir, I won’t need this anymore” . That is a big impact.

The issues of teachers being able to search students is one thing, but how about fixing the underlying issues? What our organisation does is only a piece of that puzzle I know, and many schools are doing their best to work on many of the issues, but what we can do is make the kids understand the real consequences. We are in a very unique position to be able to do that. And if they no longer want or feel they need to carry knives or other weapons a big part of the issue is fixed right there. Will we get through to all of them and have them all never carry weapons again? No, of course not. But we can make a huge dent in the numbers who do.

The schools who work with us are progressive and are in many ways pioneers in addressing this issue and the other relevant issues facing their students’ safety. Some others are just plain apathetic and operating in a realm of absolute denial. This issue is real, it is obvious, the signs are there if they care to look, yet when one of their students or teachers is stabbed (again), you can guarantee we’ll hear the same old tune of “there was nothing we could do to prevent it”, or “it came out of the blue” . I am tired of hearing these things. There is plenty that can be done to prevent it and NONE of these incidents (not one) has happened “out of the blue”. Anyone who wishes to debate with me on that, I welcome it.

Anyway, this blog is just me sharing a couple of my many thoughts on this issue but at the end of the day it will be read by those who already know that what we are doing is making massive differences, and is unlikely to be read or taken seriously by anyone in the school system who will take any action. I hope I am wrong about that, I genuinely do, but I doubt that I am.

To end on a brighter note, we recently ran another women’s personal safety course at a decile 10 Auckland College and the results were absolutely outstanding. The feedback has been overwhelming from the staff and the students alike and the difference in the students’ confidence and overall empowerment was incredible. So there are schools who really are making a great difference and it is always an honour to work with them.

Original article here:

Armed in the classroom
By Chloe Johnson 5:30 AM Sunday Oct 9, 2011

Teachers are trying to fathom why an increasing number of kids, some as young as 5, bring weapons to school.

Expand Teachers are allowed to search children for weapons and drugs, but many are nervous of doing this one-on-one. Photo / Janna DixonChildren as young as 5 are among the alarming number of pupils who have been suspended or stood down for having weapons at school.

Figures the Herald on Sunday obtained through the Official Information Act show more than 1000 students have been removed from schools for possessing or using a weapon in the past two years.

At least 700 cases involved knives, blades, hammers, scissors and guns, including replicas.

In one case, a 5-year-old boy was stood down for five days for violent behaviour - brandish-ing a weapon - at teachers and students in the classroom. The type of weapon used has not been disclosed.

Ministry of Education curriculum and performance manager Jeremy Wood refused to name the school to protect the child's identity. However, he said the boy was removed from class after the incident in 2009 and received support from special education services for more than a year.

"He has not received any further stand-downs or suspensions, and no further support is currently needed," Wood said.

Educational psychologist Fiona Ayers said it was a huge concern the boy had become violent at such a young age.

"That's scary. What is going on in that kid's life that makes him feel he is so unsafe he has to carry a weapon?"

She said there were several reasons children carried weapons: protection from bullies, issues at home, influence from television or video games and simply thinking it was "cool" to have weapons.

"It's more the impulsive ones doing it. I have heard of kids who have left school and gone home then come back with weapons because they are upset. They are the ones more likely to use them."

Unskilled parents were a large part of the problem because children were copycats.

'Some of them, we do have to look at the culture of the environment they are in ... if family or uncles or people in the neighbourhood are doing that sort of thing then it might be one option for the child."

Te Puke High School maths teacher Steve Hose, 53, was stabbed in the neck and shoulder four times last year by a 13-year-old student from a dysfunctional family. The student took his own life about three months ago.

Hose said he ran to the front of the classroom after being stabbed and felt the blood dripping down his body. "I yelled at the kids, 'Get out'. I just needed them out of the way," Hose said. He looked in the "wide focused eyes" of his attacker and said, 'Are you sure you want to do this, mate?'. He looked at me dead in eyes and said, 'Yes'."

Education Minister Anne Tolley introduced new guidelines this year for teachers to search students for drugs and weapons which Hose supported. "But you need to get a senior team to direct the proceedings. One-on-one is a bad idea."

FAVOURITE WEAPONS

* Knife: 450

* Gun, including toy: 219

* Scissors: 36

* Blade: 12

* Hammer: 11

Total suspensions and stand downs between 2008 and 2010 for weapons-related incidents:
* Primary (Yr 1-8), 409;
* Secondary (Yr 9-15), 609;
* Composite (Yr 1-15), 49 (2008-2010)

A Protect Team Member's Perspective...

2011-10-06T20:19:00.000-07:00

The below blog was written by Brendan McGrath, a senior team member at Protect's Auckland group classes.

Hi there,

I’ve been one of Phil’s students over the past three years (time flies when your having fun;-). So before we kick off just a quick note to say that these views are not strictly those of Protect Self Defence.

I read something in the paper recently, a 74 year old man kicked to death in an alleyway on his way home by three young men, …… fingers crossed there is something valuable here! We really are trying to change ourselves, our friends, and the world!!!

Some stories are great promotional ammunition for the RBSD movement, a martial arts expert beaten up, mugged or worse, dying because they got in a scrap over a shoulder barge, a drunken brawl outside a pub, mugged at an ATM. Sure, true “self defence” can easily help us to control our environment either thru de-escalation or if need be, ultimately thru physical means. So yes, RBSD has plenty of “Look we told you so” moment’s in the media to draw support from, but that’s just too easy, it’s a narrow perspective.

Some stories that are reported are so sad it’s hard to see how we can take something positive from them, some are simply tragic. Some make you wonder how anything we teach would have really helped.

This old bloke on his way home perhaps to his old dear wife, perhaps from visiting his children, he could have been my late grandfather could have been anyone’s granddad or elderly neighbour. A tragic way to mark the end to a life which if he was like my late granddad was filled with generosity and love.

Self-defence is usually a hopeful and empowering message. But there is something about 3 young men beating a 74 year old man to death in an alleyway that is really upsetting and disturbing, it makes me fear for my little boy. That no matter how much I can teach him that at some point perhaps when he’s 70 that this could happen to him, or my dear old mum who goes for walks on the beach with her dog, how can I do anything to protect her?

In fact this event is tragic for those three young men also, their lives are ruined, they may not appreciate it right now as they sit in jail in some ways riding high on the kudos of killing a man, but ruined lives nonetheless.

There needs to be a fuller solution, teaching people kung fu at some point simply becomes bogus and absurd.

I have a secret, a long time ago, almost 20 years ago now as a young man, in a disturbed moment as a very angry kid I swung a piece of rough sawn wood into the side of a woman’s head.

It’s a long story, but in that moment I could have killed her, I wouldn’t have really meant to but it could have happened. I would not be sitting here enjoying my wonderful life, and her children would not be enjoying their loving mother.

It was just dumb luck I didn’t kill her. In the moment that I attacked her, in that moment, I never gave her a name, never understood that her children need her, like mine need me.

Sometimes I find it all rather hard to reconcile how well life has turned out, but it has certainly been on the good graces of firstly a judge, family, friends, and ultimately society. I’m very thankful for that, and that translates to actions not just words, if I spot you out there in trouble I will stop. I physically can’t just drive by; my stomach starts to twist up inside me. I’ve grown up a lot in 20 years forgotten a lot, but the moment I walked into protect the message resonated with me. I have found a lot of redemption in my time at protect, its cathartic.

Something that has stood out for me at Protect, “lets see if we can ALL walk away from this situation unharmed, we are all someone’s child, brother, sister, mother, father, even the arsehole that’s just called you every name under the sun” that fundamentally we care. This is not a soft line on self defence, but a first line. We also have a very hard line for those that would persist and seek to take us from our family, our friends.

At the core of this what I am getting at here is that we avoid violence because we care, we defuse because we care both about ourselves and the instigator of violence and their families, and ultimately we protect ourselves because we care about ourselves and our loved ones.

There is one take out message here, it is NOT about how the principles that “Protect” teach can protect us physically. The message is about how we who believe in the anti violence principles that “Protect” teaches can thru educating our children and those around us to not use violence, in the long term make a safer world, one with more respect and care. In this way our message benefits not only those who come to classes, to seminars, to courses, but it benefits all of our society.

This is the message that can protect my children, my loved ones and people I will never meet, people that have never heard of protect can be safer because of this message.
Some bloke who rants at me from his car, and I apologise and move along… his kids owe an unknowing debt to my learning’s from protect, today their dad wont be in hospital because I put him there or in prison because he’s beaten me to a pulp.

And that view, that aspiration, that higher thinking is not common in self defence. Our aspiration is to affect even those that have never heard of “Protect”. To actually make the world a bit safer for all. In truth a self defence course may not have helped that 74 year old man, we will never know. And the offenders well perhaps it’s doubtful for them also. But consider that we are actually trying to teach people to understand and avoid the terrible cost of violence.

If the offenders parents, older sisters, etc had attended a course…. What we are really seeking is to increase the numbers of people in the population who do not resort to violence as a first base for conflict resolution. It might seem like an impossible task to effect change like that, we cannot afford to let that deter us …………

Heres the story that prompted me to write to you all..

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=10755600

Daughters account

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=10755787

Who are you? Latest article from Darcy

2011-10-05T17:32:00.000-07:00

Latest media article by Darcy Mellsop. Enjoy!

Martial Artists: A dangerous blow

2011-09-21T14:47:00.000-07:00

This article is specifically for the martial artists whom read this blog as I received an email from someone (martial artist) who I think could really benefit from this.

A while ago a guy named Jase (not his real name) enquired about joining our group classes which we hold for the public. Everyone who requests to join us has an informal ‘interview’, really just a chat, so that we can evaluate their intentions and make sure that we can provide what they are looking for and also to ensure that they are a good fit for the class (we have a ‘no-egg’ policy). Because so many people believe ‘self defence’ is about fighting it’s important that we let them know that is not what we do, and if we can we’ll point them to a club or school that can help them.

Jase seemed like (and is) a nice guy but there was also some intuition that told me he was troubled and in a bad emotional place. To cut the story short after a chat it transpired that Jase, who is a black belt in karate and has also trained in Muay Thai and BJJ, had two months earlier been beaten up pretty bad. Physically he was not too injured (broken nose, broken ribs, so still a bad day) but psychologically he was beaten up very bad. His words to me were “It wasn’t supposed to happen like that”. I asked him how it was “supposed to happen” and he told me “Well, you know, like I was taught”.

His whole situation was avoidable at multiple different points before it escalated to violence. It was also (probably) fairly easily defused. That is if he had any training in either concept, which of course he did not. So being left with only a physical response as his go-to option he expected the physical aspect of the ‘fight’ to look like it did at his training. But that was obviously not the case and Jase had to learn the hard way about how real violence unfolds. Later on in the evening Jase was watching some of our team doing scenario training and I saw him look at me and shake his head as if in disbelief. I asked him what was wrong and he said that everything that was unfolding before his eyes in that scenario was just like his situation except our team were getting a very different result obviously. He said that if he had come here three months ago this would not have happened to him. Sadly that is true but too late to change. Jase had formed a new, disempowering identity for himself. I explained that although past performance is a good indicator of future performance, if changes are made history does not have to repeat itself. The past does not need to equal the future, but changes need to be made.

The two months of beating himself up over the event had done as much damage as the event itself due to his lack of understanding of how real violence happens. Prior to the event he had a perception of how thing “should” happen based on his experience with martial arts and sport fighting, but this is very rarely ever the case (almost never in fact). So for two months he had been blaming himself, attributing the outcome to his own inadequacies, which is just so wrong and unfair to him.

After a debriefing session, where we anatomised the event and helped it make sense for him in real terms he was able to see that it was not his own inadequacies (mostly), it was an issue with his training. He thought (because he had been told) that he was learning ‘self defence’, whereas in actual fact he had been learning an art on one side, and a sport on the other. Both of which have very little to do with dealing with real aggression or violence. This debriefing also helped him to understand that he needed to talk with a councellor about the event (he was showing signs of PTSD so a professional was required to help him work through this). So often, for males, society has an expectation that they can be exposed to serious violence and just ‘carry on’ and ‘deal with it’. Often this is possible especially if the person has some degree of understanding or experience with real violence, but just as often, it is not. There are things that normal citizens are just not supposed to experience or have to ‘deal with’ and getting through these things often takes a bit of help. There is nothing ‘soft’ or unmanly about getting help but that is unfortunately often a stereotype that men must face. The fact is that violence affects everyone who is exposed to it. It affects different people to different degrees, but even the toughest among us (I have trained some elite units and even they often require support after certain incidents) can still be affected, that is part of being human.

What I have found is that people who consider themselves to be ‘fighters’ or proficient martial artists often suffer enormous damage to their self esteem and confidence after they suffer a beating, even more so than the average person. Often their training is their absolute passion, one of the main focuses in their life and much of their identity is linked to their perceived proficiency (or rank, or position, or titles etc) in that art or sport. So when they are attacked and in their mind “lose” the fight or fail to protect someone else it can be very tough to deal with.

By understanding how things really happen though, and then being able to make a very clear distinction about whether their training is in actual fact sports oriented, art oriented, or self defence oriented, they can make sense of things and make the necessary adjustments. If the sole reason they joined their martial art was for self defence, they may realise they need to change or add something else to it. If they joined because they love the art or the sports side of things, then that is great, they will see that it is a sport which is fun, enjoyable, challenging, demanding etc but not a self defence system so their expectations of its street proficiency will change and be more realistic.

Side note: As part of the interview with “Jase” I intuitively determined that his motivations were not as clear cut as he had made out. A few direct questions revealed that another part of his motivation for wanting to learn from us was (sub consciously) to have another chance to ‘prove himself’ and recover his damaged self esteem. He didn’t even realise he was doing it but I have seen this several times before. It is quite common to fall into a retaliation mode after taking a beating and want to (either consciously or sub-consciously) put yourself into another situation to prove yourself. Once he was aware that process was present, it was relatively easy to dissipate and give him a new focus which would actually serve him and be helpful rather than destructive.

I hope this article stirs something in you and may help you ask yourself and/or your instructor some relevant and important questions about your training. If nothing more, just knowing which “box” your training falls into can help you reduce the chances of going through a situation like Jase, and thousands of others have gone through.

If you are a martial artist/sport fighter and you want to see how your training relates to real life encounters (as well as learn some cool new skills) check out the Combat Coalition Boot Camp in Auckland in November. If you are out of town...Travel. It will be worth it!

What were the signs?

2011-09-15T16:53:00.000-07:00

Excellent short article by Darcy:

What were the signs?

Recently I had a young business woman in her mid-twenties ask me for advice so she would not again find herself in the situation she recently found herself in.

Rachel shared her story with me: I was at a party, and he must saw me there, but I didn’t meet him. When I arrived home that evening, he’d left three messages on my phone asking me out. I wasn’t so sure but decided to go out with him – he sounded nice, but I didn’t know what he looked like. Our first date was ok, but he did joke about getting married and having kids. On our second date, he mentioned getting married and having kids again and sounded almost serious. On the third date he gave me an iPhone!! I loved it. He did flip out one day when he found out that I had an ex-boyfriends number in it and he made me delete it out in front of him. He then “suggested” who I should have in the phone. He would call me all the time too, asking me what I was doing – and if he wasn’t phoning me, he’d just turn up announced at my apartment. He talked about us being together forever, soul mates. I wanted to dump him and I tried, but he’d cry and talk about killing himself. That I’d find no one better. He’s met someone else now, but while we were together, for months I just couldn’t breathe. I lost friends and I cried so often. I doubted myself. Darcy, I need to know what the signs are so I don’t meet someone like him again.

Rachel, those are the signs.

Grey Areas: Latest Column from Darcy Mellsop

2011-09-13T18:38:00.000-07:00

Great article from Darcy: 'Grey Areas'. Enjoy! :-)

Auckland Charity Event: 'Women's Personal Safety' Seminar

2011-08-23T20:44:00.000-07:00

Hi all Auckland-ites!

We have just confirmed something very cool...We are running a charity event raising money for RPE (Rape Crises) on October 26th! It is a two hour Women's Personal Safety seminar and get THIS...It is only $25 (will be donated to RPE)!

This will be very cool information, supporting a great organisation who do a brilliant job and need our help. SOOOOO...Please help us to support... this event. How? Firstly, if you are a female, book for the event now and get all of your friends and family there too, and secondly please forward this to every female you know and help us spread the word. We really appreciate it and guarantee the event will be worth your time, it will be cool. (BTW, there is no physical involvement at this one, it is a presentation of very cool stuff which will empower you, so just sit back and relax). See you there! Athena and Phil

For full details click HERE

Dealing with fear...

2011-08-16T16:11:00.001-07:00

Seriously...What?

2011-08-10T19:24:00.000-07:00

Ok, Prepare yourselves for one of my rants... :-)

There is a lot of junk 'self defence' taught out there, nobody reading this will find that to be new information. Some of it is plain comical and some of it is downright dangerous. After doing this job for so long I normally don't let it get to me when I see this stuff, I just focus on the good things I see and learn from them and aim to ignore the 'not helpful' stuff. But apparently today I must be experiencing a moment of weakness because I let what I just saw frustrate me.

I (and all of our instructors) tell every single person we train to feel free to challenge us on absolutely anything at all, and if they don't agree with us to let us know. There are no sacred cows with what we do, if we can't back up what we are teaching, really back it up, then we should not be teaching it. It is potentially people's lives at stake.

So when a mate of mine forwarded me a link of one of the 'top' self defense instructors in the USA teaching women's self defence (women's self defence is like the centre of the universe for bad advice in most cases) I expected to see quality information. A few things he said were smart and sound, and then I saw what he is teaching women to do against a potential rape...Drop onto the floor from a standing position and kick him. I kid you not. I thought about posting the link up but I think that is unprofessional so I have decided not to and this blog is more about the general problem of blindly following what we are told than this specific isolated (but not uncommon) instance.

What worried me more than the absolute rubbish advice, was that the willing group of participants seemed to be hanging on his every word and NO-ONE challenged him. No-one had a flash of common sense (or if they did they did not bring it up) and consider the real possible consequences of just this one piece of bad advice (there was more but I'll stay with this one as an example).

Drop on the ground voluntarily? Seriously? Come on, give me a break.

Yes, there are always exceptions to every rule, and yes the situation always dictates the response so there may be a time when dropping to the floor is the best option, but those times are few and far between, and to have it as the primary (or only, as in this case) option is more than just ludicrous, it is dangerous.

If I go into all of reasons why this advice is so bad I'll be writing all day, but just a couple of reasons, pre-assuming all of the behavioural, psychological, pre-contact stages have failed or were never available and a physical response is the only option, why would going to the floor on purpose for a physical response be a very dangerous thing to do?

1) That is where he probably wants you anyway. You just helped him achieve his purpose. It also gives him a physical and psychological advantage (at least in his mind).
2) You eliminate or greatly reduce your escape options. How are you supposed to get out of here, to run, to escape now? Do you really think that your kicking him in the legs, on its own, is likely to incapacitate him enough for you to stand and escape. Possible, yes. Probable, no.
3) You are now as far away as possible from the primary targets, you also reduce the grounding, distancing and torque available to you while standing if you are able to achieve a stunning strike/s to enable you to escape.
4) Your access to natural (improvised) weapons is greatly reduced.
5) His ability to stomp and kick you is maximised and the danger to you in that sense is extreme (worse still if multiple attackers). We teach to kick out at the opponent (among other things) if you are forced to the floor (thrown down, tripped, started there etc) but as a means to get back to your feet immediately! We don't want to go there volunarily to start with!
6) Try doing that on concrete by the way. Sure in reality you may have to if you end up there, but rolling around on gravel etc is not fun, it makes a mess. Environment plays a huge role.
7) Your access to your available 'tools' is now massively reduced, and his increases. This is potentially loading the dice in HIS favour and putting yourself in a real bad spot.

These are just a few of the reasons this advice is not good, there are more.

But what I want to stress is that if someone teaches you something about self defence, and they are doing it from the perspective of 'this is what you do in reality' as opposed to learning martial arts self defence etc, then think logically, ask questions, and challenge them. It is your life on the line. It is not a game. There is no way this instructor could back this up if any of our students or instructors had a debate with him on it, it would fail. It doesn't make friggin sense.

Rant over. I'll do my best to ignore the rubbish that is out there again, but just occasionally, like today, it gets to me.

'Child Power' Article: The Aucklander

2011-08-09T20:54:00.000-07:00

'Child Power' Article: The Aucklander, August 4 2011

'Empower Your Kids to be Safe...For Life' available in most bookstores or from Amazon.com by clicking HERE

'Don't get into debt'

2011-08-03T14:57:00.000-07:00

Avoid, defuse

2011-08-01T19:12:00.001-07:00

Workplace 'Bully' loses his advantage...

2011-07-31T16:51:00.000-07:00

At Protect we don't use the term 'bullying' for any situations involving anyone older than around 10 years. After that age we call it what it really is: 'Peer Aggression'. By giving the issue the mantle that it deserves people tend to take the issue more seriously, and it is a serious issue. It causes loss of confidence, self esteem, and self belief, it has caused suicides, murders, assaults, and substance abuse, broken up families and ruined countless people's lives. It is not an issue that should be tolerated, either at school, the workplace or in any other facet of life.

Yesterday I received an email from a man who attended one of our recent 'Best Defence (phase 1)' courses, I'll call him Joe, which is not his real name. He explained how he had been the target of a 'workplace bully' for the past year. He had bought the issue up to management only to have it 'played down' and to a large degree, dismissed. It has caused him huge stress and affected his home life and his health. He told me that he has been looking for another job unsuccessfully, and that the sole reason for him wanting to leave his employer of six years (at a job that he otherwise loves) was because of this person.

At 'Best Defence' (as with all of our core courses) we address the behvioural and psychological aspects of self defence as well as the physical. Because of the way we train attendees there is an immediate shift in belief systems, resulting in greater confidence and a feeling of personal empowerment. This is the basis of effective self defence.

Jow explained that the course had such a deep impact on him that he walked into his office on Monday morning a different person, different to the person who left on Friday night. He took immedite action on the issue of his tormentor. He had a meeting with his boss where he confidently explained what was happening and what the options were for them. His boss has now taken the matter seriously and is standing behind Joe with the support and action required.

He then met with the man who has been causing the issues. Joe told me that he would NEVER have been able to have the conversation, with the degree of confidence and certainty, prior to the course. He addressed the issue in a non-challenging, non-threatening way, but with a confidence and focus that left his prior aggressor under no illusions of his options. He also did it in such a way as to let the man save face and have a 'way out' (which we teach), and the man took it. He has gained an apology and the past week has been a different experience for him when he arrives at work. In his words: " The weight is off my shoulders and I am actually enjoying going to work again"

How did this take place? Because self defence (real Self Defence) training empowers you with a confidence and belief system which all on it's own makes you a 'hard target' for aggressor's, it grows you as a person from your core.

Emerson once said: "Who you are screams so loudly in my ears that I can not hear what you are saying"

Joe told me that he originally attended our course (thinking like most people that self defence is all about martial arts and/or solely physical moves, which it is not) to learn to physically protect himself becasue he expected the situation to get so bad that he would be assaulted physically. He said that what he gained was infinitely more, it made him a strong person, with the confidence to stand up for himself and the skills to do it in a way which made the situation better and not worse.

I acknowledge Joe for realising the need to imporove his situation, for attending the course, for taking the action, and for sharing his story with me.

This is what self defence at Protect is all about.

Impulse...

2011-07-03T18:29:00.000-07:00

Some kids tag a man's fence, he sees them and chases them down the road with a kitchen knife. A fight ensues and he stabs one of them. The kid dies, the man is sent to prison. Many lives are destroyed. Why didn't he get descriptions and call the police?

A man is walking with his girlfriend when they are mugged at gunpoint for her purse. Because he is a martial arts black belt he tries to physically engage the mugger and is shot dead. Why didn't they just hand over the purse?

A champion kickboxer is training when he sees someone back into his car and drive off. He chases the car down the road and tries to drag the guy out of the car when it stops at an intersection. The guys pulls a weapon and kills the kickboxer. Why didn't he just get the car's licence plate and call the Police?

A man is in his kitchen when he sees a couple of youths kick his letterbox over. He chases them down the street and catches them. One of them picks up a rock and hits him on the head and in the face repeatedly with it. He is left with severe brain damage. Why didn't he just call the Police?

And then this today:

http://nz.news.yahoo.com/a/-/top-stories/9775930/melbourne-woman-dies-in-stabbing/

Youths threw eggs at their house. So they chased them, and now the lady is dead. Why didn't they just call the Police?

I have literally dozens of real stories, like the ones above that illustrate this point. Now I know it's easy to say what they 'could have done' when no-one can say for sure what should/could/would have happened unless they were actually there, but these are straight forward enough to illustrate a point.

That point is that when people have not had any decent self defence training, they are often unable to see the context of situations when they perceive threat or are at the mercy of fear and/or anger, and often act on impulse...Often with disasterous counsequesnces. Our courses prepare peoople to deal with the behavioual and psychological aspects of these situations so that these tragic outcomes can be avoided. This is real self defence, applicable to anyone, in any area, at any age...

Schoolgirl attack warning

2011-07-03T16:22:00.000-07:00

This article appeared in the Herald On Sunday (3/7/11, italics are mine, see below the article for my comments):

A 17-year-old girl attacked by a sexual predator while walking home from school is warning other students about the dangers of wearing iPods.

The teen is one of two St Mary's College, Auckland, students grabbed by strangers while walking to and from school. The second was barely a week ago.

Both were listening to iPods via earpieces at the time and did not hear the men behind them.

The 17-year-old, who did not want to be identified, warned others to turn down the volume on iPods or to wear only one earpiece so they were alerted to potential danger.

"It's something nobody ever talks about. People from age 12 to my age think they're invincible," she said.

In March the teen was on Hamilton Rd, five minutes from home, when a man came up behind her and "tried to grab me and drag me into a driveway", she said.

"I got such a fright. I screamed and shoved him and told him to f*** off."

The man - whom she described as stocky and of Pacific Island or Filipino origin in his 20s - then took off.

On June 23, a 12-year-old girl from the same school fought off a man's advances with a kick to the groin.

She was walking along Douglas St in Ponsonby when the man came up behind her, made lewd suggestions and grabbed her arm.

Police described the man as in his 40s with long silver or grey hair and with an orange hue to his skin.

St Mary's College principal Sandy Pasley said students and parents needed to be aware of the dangers of wearing iPods, especially when walking alone.

Following the second incident, she sent a newsletter to parents warning them about the dangers and encouraged students to walk in groups if possible.

Both of the girls in these recent attacks did very well once they were confronted. Awesome in fact!

The reason this article bothered me though was this statement:

The 17-year-old, who did not want to be identified, warned others to turn down the volume on iPods or to wear only one earpiece so they were alerted to potential danger.

"It's something nobody ever talks about. People from age 12 to my age think they're invincible," she said.

Why did this bother me? Because I am saddened that this attack could potentially have been avoided if their situational awareness had not been restricted due to the ipod's blaring in their ears. And the fact is WE DO TALK ABOUT THIS! A LOT! It is a part of the safety discussions we do at every school we work with, and many other courses too. We have writtern articles about it, commented on the issue for media and many others. And not just Ipods, but drink spiking, texting, technology safety, taxi safety, getting followed, and many other safety strategies which make up just a part of the 'recognition and awareness' phase of our school courses.

The problem is that not enough schools are taking the proactive action to get us in there to teach their kids to be safe. And that bothers me. So many times girls have been attacked, sometimes with horrendous consequences, and the opinion of many is "It's terrible, but there is nothing anyone could have done to prevent it". And that is pure apathy, and is completely ignorant. Most of these situations can be avoided (not all, but most) and that is what we teach people to do. So to hear a 17 year old girl say that nobody ever talks about this stuff, after she has been put through a terrifying situation that could have been avoided is really sad to me.

We are here for any school who needs us, but they have to take the action to get us there. I really hope this changes soon, there are many attacks such as this one, and date rapes, acquaintance rapes, stranger rapes, sexual assaults, drug rapes, and many other situations (1 in 4 kiwi girls are sexually assaulted before the age of 16) which we can help avoid with the school's help.

If you have children at school, please send them our details and insist that they run one of our safety programs for their kids. These are life skills which are no longer a 'nice-to-have', they are a necessity.

Online Safety for Kids Series Part 3

2011-06-23T16:24:00.000-07:00

A question of choice...

2011-06-23T15:55:00.000-07:00

I was working with a group of young students this week and one of them, who was really genuinely concerned, asked me a question:

"I'm going to a party on Friday. There are going to be a bunch of guys there who always start fights, they carry knives and one of them stabbed a guy at a party last year and is a real psycho. Everyone knows they are going to start something on Friday, 'cause some of the other guys who are going to be there had a fight with them before. What can I do to protect myself?".

Of course he was looking for some magic move or tactic.

From there the conversation went something like this:

Me: "Mate, I can give you a strategy will will absolutely GUARANTEE that you won't be stabbed or bashed at the party, 100%, sound good?"

Him: "Yeah, cool. That's what I need"

His mate: "Yeah, Can you show me too?"

Me: "Of course, I'm happy to"

His mate: "Awesome'

Me: "Don't go to the party."

Them both: "Oh, aye?"

Me: "Use your heads fella's. This is self defence 101. You know there is a high liklihood of trouble, you are worried that you may be bashed or stabbed. You almost know for sure that shit is going to go down there...So why would you go? Seriously guys, find another party"

Him: "Oh, yeah, I s'pose"

Me: "That's the best advice I can give you guys. You asked me, and I'm telling you. Don't go, it's not worth it."

Them: "Yeah, true aye, we didn't really look at it that way. Yeah, that's cool"

I hope like hell that they listened. Sometimes people just need to hear the obvious. Stage 1 of what we teach: Avoidance through awareness and recognition.

Just thought I'd share it anyway...

'Hero' could easily have become a martyr...

2011-06-19T15:21:00.000-07:00

I have received several emails about this event: (Read the article and see my comments at the bottom)

Gun terror: 'I'll shoot her'
By Michael Dickison 5:30 AM Friday Jun 17, 2011

Link to original article HERE

A shopkeeper used a hockey stick to fend off an armed gunman who was holding a pistol to the head of a customer, the mother of "two beautiful, young children".

As the robber demanded cash from the till - "Give me money or I'll shoot her" - the dairy owner had other ideas.

Jayesh Amin, owner of the Farm Cove Superette in East Auckland, said he could think only of saving the woman, a regular customer who he knew had two children.

Mr Amin was preparing to close the shop at 7.45pm on Wednesday when his last customer approached the counter with a couple of icecreams.

At the same moment, a young hooded man ran in, grabbed the woman by the neck, shoved a pistol at her head and yelled: "Give me money or I'll shoot her."

For a couple of seconds, Mr Amin stood frozen. "I was shocked because it happened so fast. I didn't understand what was happening."

Another man came in with a metal bar and told the first offender: "Go ahead, bro, go ahead, bro. Shoot her, bro."

As the second man lunged across the counter, Mr Amin was too rattled to notice that a third robber had followed the others into the store.

Mr Amin took $600 from the till and held it up.

"I offered the money. I told them to leave the woman alone and take the money: 'Don't do anything silly - just leave the woman'."

But instead of reaching for the money, the three young men yelled further threats at the female customer.

"They should have come to me to take the money but they didn't," Mr Amin said.

"It was very hard to know what to do because I had shown them the money. My first priority was to save the woman. She was local and I knew she had two beautiful young children."

So Mr Amin reached behind the counter for a hockey stick he had there and swung wildly at the three men.

He struck one, then ran around the counter towards the man with the gun.

The three men scurried out the front door.

"I think they got a little scared," Mr Amin said.

Police were quickly on the scene - Mr Amin's wife saw the incident on a security camera monitor in their upstairs residence, and called 111.

Two teenagers have been arrested for the robbery and appeared in court yesterday. Two others - one the driver of a getaway car - are being sought.

Last night, Mr Amin said he was still shaking because of the ordeal.

"I'm so tired. I couldn't sleep all night," he said. "From yesterday morning at seven, I haven't slept. I was so scared."

The drama did not end with the robbers running out the door.

Mr Amin chased them outside and called for help. The owner and chef from the next-door restaurant came to his aid.

The three robbers then ran to a car driven by a fourth man and sped away - only to be pursued by a member of the public.

The man chased the offenders until they stopped the car, got out and one pointed the gun at him.

As the man tried to flee, his rear windscreen shattered.

Police say they are exploring several possible reasons for the window breaking, and have not confirmed that it was caused by a gunshot.

The four offenders abandoned the car, and police later found an air pistol in it.

The two men arrested are aged 17 and 18 and appeared in the Manukau District Court yesterday on charges of assault with intent to rob, threatening to kill and commission of a crime with a firearm. Further charges may follow.

Police said that the store owner and the customer escaped serious injury but had been extremely shaken by events and were being counselled by Victim Support.

Detective Senior Sergeant Albie Alexander said criminal investigation branch staff had examined the premises and were following "very positive" leads regarding the identity of the two missing suspects.

By Michael Dickison

When I first heard this story I was told that a man had pointed a gun at the dairy owner and instead of handing over cash he had attacked the offender with a hockey stick and chased him out of the store. At that point he was being hailed a hero. Based on that limited information, I thought it was another case of a 'hero' who could have easily become a martyr. This is NOT the right course of action to take in armed hold up situations in most cases, the best option is compliance.

But then I looked into this further and the above article shed different light on the situation. Mr Amin did comply and offer money, but the offender did not take it and instead began to escalate his level of violence towards the woman who was at that stage being used as a hostage. That changes thinigs, and like it or not, unless you were actually there in that situation, none of us can say what was right and what was wrong. At the end of the day, what Mr Amin chose to do worked. Could he have taken other options, possibly, yes, but what he did was successful and I agree that he should be acknowledged for his actions.

What worries me is that many are hailing his actions as the way everyone should deal with these situations, and that is wrong. Black and white. Mr Amin's situation should not be considered typical. Confronting armed robbers in most cases is not a good thing. Bluntly, it may get you killed. In Mr Amin's unique situation, I applaude him for doing what he believed to be right in the moment, and acting in spite of his fear in defence of another person, and his actions worked. But his situation is not ALL situations, and therefore I am worried to hear the attitude of many that this response should be applied to ALL situations, as it most definitely should not.

My advice is to get some training around Armed Holdup Safety. Protect's half day course is excellent and provides people with realistic skills and options to deal with the majority of situations. Training can obviously help prepare people to deal with a situation in the best possible way, and also to control impulsive behaviour which could place you in danger, such as chasing the offenders car down the road, forcing them to stop, get out, and point the gun at the person. This could have had disatrous conssequesces. Our course teaches how to reduce the chances of an armed hold up, how to best manage during one, and how to manage the scene directly afterwards too. All three of these aspects are vital to understand, are highly valuable as a life skill, and believe it or not are actually interesting and even 'fun' to learn.

Remember, you don't need to work in a job where armed hold up is possible/probable to be involved in one. You may be a customer in a bank, service station, dairy, liqour store, bar, or anywhere that has cash or merchandise. So these skills are important to know.

My main point here is that Mr Amin did very well given the options and training he had available to him, and good on him for that. Please do not look at this situation though and think it is typical and that Mr Amin's response should be generically applied, as that is not (by a long shot) the best option.

Love these...

2011-06-12T22:20:00.000-07:00

'Every Woman's Guide to Being Safe...for Life' available now HERE

Online Safety For Kids Series - Part 2

2011-06-07T21:01:00.000-07:00

Wellington Charity Event: Women's Safety Seminar

2011-06-07T20:58:00.000-07:00

Darcy Mellsop doing some awesome stuff in Wellington again! If you are in the Hutt Valley (or anywhere in Wellington, it'll be worth the travel!) be sure to get along to this information event, which is raising money for Wellington woman's refuge, organised by Anna Nankivell from Remax Lower Hutt. What a great community initiative, this will be excellent! Get there if you can! :-) Phil

Online Safety For Kids Series - Part 1

2011-06-06T21:02:00.000-07:00

Our new book 'Empower Your Kids to be Safe...For Life' has been getting fantastic reviews and I am really stoked with the feedback. So I thought I'd pick some pieces of it and give them away for free to you. So over the next few blogs I will reporoduce parts of the section on Online safety, as I receive quite a few questions about this subject. Please let me know if you have any questions. Cheers. Phil

Most kids regularly use the internet to safely interact with hundreds of people (who they either know or don’t know) through social network and gaming sites. The threat of online sexual predators may not be as prolific as the media will have us believe but it is certainly a genuine threat. Some sexual predators spend a great deal of time searching the internet for potential victims whom they can groom, so it is vital that kids know the risks of various activities, and how to stay safe from them.

To be able to successfully guide children to stay safe and be responsible on the internet it is important that the issues are openly communicated between you and your kids. What you perceive to be issues and what your kids perceive to be issues may be worlds apart, so it is important to bridge the gap to ensure that your kids ‘buy in’ to the rules. You can be sure that if kids don’t understand the reasons behind the internet safety rules, and if they think their parent is out of touch and doesn’t understand how things really work on the internet (a commonly held, and sometimes accurate belief among a lot of kids), they will find a way to circumvent the rules. If they fully understand the actual risks, not the over exaggerated ones, and have the strategies to deal with them, then they will follow the rules in any environment whether supervised or unsupervised. Remember, most kids have access to the internet from multiple different sources including home, school, work, internet cafe, friend’s houses, their cellphone/PDA, their friend’s cellphone/PDA etc, so it is unrealistic to think that you are going to be able to supervise all of their internet activity. That is why it is so important to work with your kids on this, not simply apply hard and fast rules which they resent or don’t understand. If you do take that position, as soon as they have the chance, and that will be often, they will ignore the rules (maybe even act in spite of them, which is even more dangerous) and be open to potential victimisation.

Before we look at the greatest risks that kids face on the internet, and strategies to address them, there are a couple of key strategies that you as the parent can take to ensure your children’s responsible and safe use of the internet:

1) Set Boundaries and Supervise Their Activities

Depending on the age of the child, there is one highly effective and important strategy that you can implement to minimise the online risks to your kids. I advocate this strategy for all pre-teen children. It is very simply:

Do not allow the computer to be located in the child’s bedroom or other private place, move it into a public area of the house.

This will help with the immediate issue of supervision while you teach your child how to use the internet safely.

Set boundaries with your kids including time limits online, and rules around the sharing/displaying of any kind of personal information online, as discussed below, and supervise their compliance. Keep in mind though that your kids probably know more about the internet than you do. If they do not understand why the rules are in place, and how they keep them safe, they will find a way around them. For example:

• You can check the browsing history to see what sites they have been to, but most kids know how to delete these and their temporary internet files to prevent you from checking up on them

• You can monitor their emails, but many kids set up multiple accounts; one for you to see and another for their private use. Additionally they will delete sent and received emails (or IM conversation logs) that they don’t want you to see

• You can watch their social networking pages, but often times kids will set up multiple pages; one which they allow you to see and join as their ‘friend’, and another which they use to communicate with their friends etc

• You can check the saved file content on the computer but kids will often just save anything they don’t want you to see on a removable hard drive and/or rename files to non descript and covert names which don’t attract any attention to them

• You can password protect their access, but most kids will bypass this very quickly

These are just a few of the ways kids can hide what they are doing online. There are of course other options available to parents such as installing overt or covert tracking software, but that only addresses the home computer use, not all of the other access points that they have to the internet. In my opinion the most effective way to ensure children’s online safety and responsibility is to openly educate and guide them, and let them be involved in the boundary setting (aka ‘rule setting’) process. If they feel that they helped make the rules, because they understand the risks, they will be more likely to always follow them wherever they are. Use the Online Safety Agreement in Appendix Four as a guide to set and agree on the boundaries.

2) To be continued in the next blog...

Dealing with 'Typecasting': Latest column from Darcy

2011-06-01T19:19:00.001-07:00

Here is Darcy's latest column. Enjoy!

A nice thank you...

2011-05-31T21:03:00.000-07:00

Here is our very appreciated Certificate Of Appreciation from Hibiscus Coast Family Services. We recently held a 'Women's Self Defence Fundamentals' workshop for their team under our community support program. It was a great success with a fantastic group of people.

Times Article: Athena and Phil

2011-05-30T15:34:00.000-07:00

'Every Woman's Guide to Being Safe...For Life' is available now at Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, Angus & Robertson and most bookstores.

Also available at our online store by clicking HERE

Excellent work!

2011-05-29T16:24:00.000-07:00

Karate woman floors thugs
NZPA May 30, 2011, 7:11 am
Two thugs got more than they bargained for when they attacked a young Wellington woman as she walked home from her nightshift at the weekend.
They found they were no match for the waitress who floored the pair by using her martial arts skills.
Police say they were impressed with the young woman's bravery.
"Often we don't encourage people to fight back, because it can make things worse, but she acted with a great degree of bravery and she's done a great job," Detective Sergeant Shane Dye told The Dominion Post.
The 18-year-old was walking along Taranaki about 6.15am on Saturday when she noticed a man watching her. When she passed him, he attempted to grab her.
Mr Dye said she had been studying karate for about seven years and knew to elbow the man in the chest and stomp on his foot.
"She was then attacked by a second male who she hadn't seen, and he began to pull at her handbag -- then she punched him in the stomach."
During the scuffle the woman fell to the ground and was attacked again by the first man, but the woman was able to kick him and escape.
Police are hunting the two attackers.

I will choose to assume that the "Often we don't encourage people to fight back, because it can make things worse..." comment has been taken out of context by the media given that is it wrong, dangerous, and irresponsible advice which I am sure no senior police officer would give.

Great job by this young lady and I hope her emotional recovery from the event is strong.

Footnote: Another article from NEWSTALK ZB gives further context to this situation in case anyone was thinking "It was a robbery, she should have just given over her bag" with:
Detective Sergeant Shane Dye says one man grabbed her from behind as she was walking down the road, trying to drag her towards his car. He says she used her karate to fight him off, but then a second man tried to grab her handbag over her shoulder.
The young woman continued to fight and managed to escape, but has been left shaken with a knee injury.

New book launched!

2011-05-24T19:05:00.000-07:00

Our long awaited book for kids is now available! You can purchase at Amazon.com, Barnes & Noble, Angus & Robertson and most good booksellers. At the moment it is cheapest from our online store HERE Enjoy!

Best Defence (Phase 1) course Wellington

2011-05-23T02:38:00.000-07:00

The team at the 'Best Defence (Phase 1) course - Wellington, May 2011

'See Beyond The Details'

2011-05-18T16:02:00.000-07:00

Latest Column by Darcy. Enjoy!

Helping People Help Themselves...

2011-05-17T03:21:00.000-07:00

Jogging Safety Tips

2011-05-09T16:20:00.000-07:00

From the Dominion Post.

'Safe For Life' Wellington

2011-05-09T15:26:00.000-07:00

Protect Instructor Darcy Mellsop with the team at the Wellington 'Safe For Life' course - May 2011

Latest Column from Darcy: 'Bully Complex'

2011-04-28T14:09:00.000-07:00

Way off the mark; Women's Self Defence Training

2011-04-27T18:41:00.000-07:00

Every single member of our team believes that every woman has the right to live free from un-necessary fear and worry, and that they have the right to be empowered with the confidence and skills to know that they can stay safe from predatory violence. We have helped thousands of women achieve that through our courses, classes and seminars. But still we are only scratching the surface as so many more women live with an attitude of apathy about learning to protect themselves and their loved ones. When we work with survivors of past assaults, so very often we hear the comment “I wish I had known this before...” as they realise that the skills that we are giving them to recognise, avoid, de-escalate, or physically protect themselves against male aggression could (in many cases) have helped provide a very different outcome for them.

So then why is there such a resistance to attending a self defence course? Money is not the concern, we have a community support programme to enable people who can’t afford the course fee to be able to attend. We have done courses and talks for free and had only 1 in 3 women who could have come actually attend, even though we are the nation’s leading experts (I don’t like that word) on this subject. The people who do attend give us overwhelming positive feedback, so what stops the rest from attending?

The biggest reason is a complete misunderstanding of what women’s self defence entails. As we wrote about in ‘Every Woman’s Guide to Being Safe...For Life’, most people think of ‘self defence’ as martial arts, or physical fighting, or they remember the ‘self defence’ course they did at high school where they learned how to release from wrist grabs and kick at his groin. In truth, these things have very little, and in some cases nothing, to do with real self protection (especially for women). One of our jobs as the industry leader is to change the public’s perception of what self defence is actually about, or at least what is SHOULD be about, and we are working very hard to do that. The more people who understand what self defence really is, the more people will take action to attend a course and gain extremely valuable knowledge which positively affects all other areas of their lives.

So it was frustrating to me last week when one of our group class senior team members (and friend) called me to say that the news-talk station was discussing ‘Women’s Self Defence’ and asking callers to call in with their opinions. I tuned in and listened for 30 minutes and was genuinely saddened by what I heard. The level of ignorance about the subject was truly astounding. Interestingly the great majority of callers were men. And the entire perception of the subject revolved around physical ‘moves’. In other words everyone thinks self defence is all about how to physically fight off an attacker. One gentleman even called in to share how he used to practise ‘milling’ when he was in the army and thought that was a good idea for women! (‘Milling’ is where your partner puts on gloves or pads and throws repetitive punches at you from multiple angles at close range and you have to cover and/or block and evade. There are some limited benefits from a self defence perspective but they are limited at best and for women even more so.)
The show’s host was the only one to even mention that he thought that confidence was a big part of it, but even then I deduced that he believed that women could attend a course where they learned to physically fight, but it was the confidence that it gave them that would be their biggest asset. And, to a degree that is true, but it is a myopic viewpoint is still like looking through a pin hole trying to see the whole. There is just so much more than that.

The four stages to self defence that we teach are:

1 – Recognition to enable avoidance: This includes developing strong self beliefs and conviction, separating awareness from paranoia, recognising the psychological and behavioural manipulation strategies that males use against females to lure them into dangerous situations, heightened situational awareness, understanding fear, understanding intuition, recognising behavioural cues (what our organisation calls ‘Pre-Contact Indicators’), Predator Types and their methods, Predator motivations, survivor mentality, and a lot more...

2 – De-escalation: We teach conflict resolution skills which work under stress and pressure. These include psychological manipulation and behavioural tactics to enable a situation to be defused (literally ‘talk your way out of it’) if possible, or to set the person up psychologically to enable the effectiveness of your physical response to be maximised if it is necessary. And again, a lot more...

3 – Physical Response: This is when we are left with no other choice but to physically defend ourselves using what we call ‘Protective Offence’. Whatever physical response is given needs to work against a much larger and stronger aggressor, in any environment (sitting, standing, in bed, in car, dark etc), in any situation, while under the effects of extreme stress, fear, and pressure. Fancy moves such as wrist locks, ‘milling’, Jiu Jitsu locks or flash kicks and punches have nothing to do with this. It is just an illusion (albeit an all-too-common one) to believe otherwise. But this is what is passed off as ‘self defence’, basically 95% of what is generally taught is the physical aspect only, and even then 95% of the physical aspect that is taught is usually unrealistic and not functional anyway.

4 – Post event Issues: This stage includes such things as what to do after an event, how to get help, how to deal with Police, court, counselling, PTSD, possible retaliation, emotional effects on spouse and other family/friends, and a whole range of other things.

All of these four pillars have benefits which positively affect most other areas of a person’s life as well, outside of protecting against violence, but that is a completely different series of articles.

This is what true self defence entails. And although it may seem like a lot, it does not take long to learn and more importantly learn in a way that will be retained and recalled when it is required. Contrary to popular belief (and mentioned on this radio show half a dozen times) people do NOT need to train for years to learn to protect themselves. One-day courses do provide a massive benefit provided they teach the right stuff. We have had multiple people who have been training in martial arts or fighting systems for years (even Master Instructors, people who have been training over 30 years, Police instructors, and many more) tell us that they learned more about real self defence in our one day course than in all of their years of martial arts training. And that is not surprising, because most martial arts and fighting systems are NOT self defence systems despite their claims, and never will be. This is not to say they are not good for other things, because they are. Martial arts provide amazing benefits for many different aspects of life, and there are often things that they will teach you that you can use to defend yourself, but they are not self defence systems. (Disclosure: I trained in martial arts for over 20 years and held black belt levels or higher in several different systems)

Unfortunatley until the perception around what self defence is really about changes, more people will refuse to attend a course because they “Don’t want to be scared”, “Did a course at High School”, “Don’t think I could fight off a man anyway even if I learn that stuff”, “Live in a safe neighbourhood”, “Have a big dog”, “Am too unfit”, etc... And other common objections, all of which are completely irrelevant, misinformed, or just plain wrong. But I can see where these come from given what the public are generally sold as ‘self defence’. Most of what is taught is done in such a way as to make reality fit around the technique, as opposed to the other way around. People are not stupid, they instinctively know deep down that that stuff would never really work so why bother going at all. Who can blame anybody for that? It is worrying to me and my team that this is the case, but at least we know the problem and can keep working at changing it, even though we are one organisation swimming against a very large tide. I know that we can do it though, we are doing a little more every day, even if it is just one person at a time.

Ps. The reason I did not call into the show was because they give a maximum time slot of 2 minutes and there is no way I could put things in context in that time so it may do more harm than good. Give me an hour though and look out...:-)

Awesome...

2011-04-26T15:12:00.000-07:00

Hi all!

I hope you all had a great break over Easter.

I had a call last night from one of our group class students (who is also a friend) with an interesting story to share. He and some friends and family were out fishing on their boat on Saturday, over 5km from shore in decent swell, when it capsized. In short, they were in very cold water for over 5 hours before being discovered and rescued. It was a very, very serious situation. I am just so glad that he and his family got through it, as it was very close to having a more dire outcome.

What was awesome though is that he thanked us for giving him tools to get through it. He is a very emotionally strong person so in my opinion although he may have used some of what we teach to assist him I have no doubt that it was in large part his character and emotional fortitude that played a big part too.
He specifically named four different tools that assisted him, and I thought it was important to share these here because it highlights again that what we teach goes far beyond simply defending ourselves against violence.

We have a training concept known as ‘Protect’s Stress Inoculation Training’ which helps people deal with highly stressful situations and remain calm(er) and maintain the ability, at least as much as possible, to respond rather than to react under pressure and stress. Although when we train it it is specifically against intra-personal human aggression, development in one area helps to bridge the gap a lot quicker in any other area of high stress/ high pressure situations as well. We have countless examples of where our students, course attendees, or ourselves have used this concept in situations such as motor vehicle accidents, personal accidents, natural disasters, as well as dealing with aggression and/or violence. In this situation, a serious boating accident, it was again used to help him remain as calm as possible, make rational decisions, and control the actions of the group which ultimately led them to being found.

Additionally, there were also four distinct tools that he used to help get through the situation:

Autogenic breathing – We teach this highly effective method of breathing to help to lower the heart rate in situations of high stress or pressure. It has multiple benefits from reducing panic, to enabling a clearer decision making process, to reducing the degree of emotional trauma suffered after the event, as well as many others. In this case he used it immediately upon surfacing while he worked to keep the others as calm as possible, and also after several hours in cold water he was shivering uncontrollably and his breathing was labored so he again used it to help gain control over his breathing and autonomic functions.

Positive self talk – The importance of positive self talk can not be over-stated. It helps control the overall state of the mind, and since the ancestor of every action is a thought (and taking the right action in these situations can be the difference between life and death) it is important to ensure that those thoughts are controlled and condusive to a positive outcome. He made the conscious decision that he was getting through this no matter what, and so were the others. And in this case, he not only used positive self talk for himself (constantly, for 5 hours!) but also for his group. He kept them focused on the future, what they were going to tell everyone at home about this, what they were going to eat for dinner, what they were going to do later in the week etc. The discussion helped him and the others stay focused on a positive outcome, and reduce panic (panic is a killer, especially in the water).

Choice speech – We train constantly on de-escalation and defusion to enable us to talk our way out of situations or psychologically and behaviourally manipulate a situation to stop it (if possible) escalating into physical violence. And these skills are transcendable into all other areas of life too. In this case, he used our basic principles to ensure that his speech patterns helped to keep the situation as calm as possible, define a leadership role, and stop any unhelpful discussion early.

Fitness – Although fitness is not necessary to be able to protect yourself, it can certainly help. And because we train for the ‘total defence of the self’, our group classes include a fitness component to them. This undoubtedly helped him physically manage in the water for so long, even though his legs were cramping and he was shivering uncontrollably.

He told me that if this had happened a couple of years ago, before he started training, he knows it would have had a very different and far worse outcome.

In my opinion he did a brilliant job, and may have saved the lives of others in his group by his actions.

Additionally, he has known what to expect from an emotional perspective after the event because we constantly train and discuss ways to manage the effects of high stress situations. He has been prepared for it, and taken the steps to help to reduce the effects.

We receive emails and calls all of the time from people who have used our training to help keep themselves safe. When it relates to an act of aggression or violence against them, the vast majority of the time the person shares how they managed to recognise, avoid, or de-escalate the situation allowing them to avoid physically defending themselves. As this is what we train for it is always brilliant to hear. Sometimes the situations could not be avoided and they have had to physically respond in order to ensure their safety, which is unfortunate but at least they have the tools required to get out of it. Just as frequently though we get the emails or calls like the one I have been talking about here today; the ones that say that the tools they have learned have helped them survive an accident, or manage a highly stressful work situation, or helped them become a more patient person in general, or helped with the communication in their relationship etc. These emails/calls are often the highlight of my day. Self defence is about empowerment, when I hear about examples like this I know that what we are doing is making a big difference.

Ps. Thank you for the amazing support and feedback for our new book 'Every Woman's Guide to Being Safe...For Life', it has been awesome. It is available at Amazon.com or by clicking here

Latest Article from Darcy: 'Promises, Promises'

2011-04-25T18:03:00.000-07:00

Coming soon! 'Every Woman's Guide to Being Safe...For Life'

2011-04-24T00:03:00.000-07:00

Our new book is available soon!

We have two dozen advance copies available for readers of this blog. Click here: http://www.protectselfdefenceshop.com/Specialised-Products-Shop(2388220).htm

Wellington Charity Fundraiser Event Announced!

2011-04-06T20:28:00.000-07:00

Wellington Ladies!

Check out the awesome Charity Fundraiser event on the 5th of March! This is a women specific (and women only) Personal Safety seminar, with all funds going to support Wellington Rape Crises.

This will be a great seminar supporting a great cause.

To book visit our events page by clicking HERE.

See you there!

Latest article from Darcy: 'Fearless Dating'

2011-03-31T20:45:00.000-07:00

How do we reduce violent crime?

2011-03-30T13:28:00.000-07:00

I was asked at a seminar I gave this week a question I am asked a lot; In my opinion what could/should be done to reduce violent crime in our country. As my opinion is just that, my opinion, I thought I would share it here too.

The usual answers given to this question involve tougher penalties, more Police, more prisons etc, and although I agree that these things are all part of it, I truly believe that our only real chance of solving the violent crime problem is when enough people want to and commit to. More prisons, Police, courts, tougher penalties etc are fine but they are only part of the puzzle, the only true way that violent crime will reduce is if we all stop accepting and tolerating it in our society, our neighbourhoods, our friends, and in our own family. Violent crime is a moral problem which needs to be solved at a moral level and only this type of ‘get to the heart of it’ solution will work, in my opinion. I work every day in the field of violence prevention, I have seen firsthand real violence and the impact it has on those who it is delivered upon, and the resulting ripple effect on all those around them. It is toxic, corrosive, and destructive. I have worked with hundreds of survivors of violence in all of its different forms. I can not recall a single act of serious violence (not drunken brawls etc) that was committed by an offender that came from what would commonly be consider a positive background and supportive, caring family environment. The greatest majority of violent offenders are responsible for their actions, know right from wrong, made their own choices, and deserve to face the legal consequences of their actions. Occasionally one is born who is a true psychopath, but they are the vast, almost infinitesimal, minority. But in my opinion, far more violent criminals are ‘made’ than are ever born. This means that somewhere along the line, something went wrong. Someone who had an impact on them, who provided a profoundly negative influence could have instead provided a profoundly positive one, and that could have made all of the difference.

So in addition to more prisons, Police, tougher penalties etc, what we really need to make a difference is more love, understanding, empathy, and compassion. This is not me being idealistic or simplistic, it is at the true heart of the issue.

Many people will hear this message and dismiss it is being idealistic or think that the problem is too big for one person to make any difference. Some will embrace it and live it. When the ‘some’ become the majority, the ripple effect will be profound, and we will then have the answer to the question...

Latest Media Article from Darcy Mellsop

2011-03-20T19:17:00.000-07:00

Enjoy!

Latest media article from Darcy: Personal Alarms

2011-03-06T18:10:00.000-08:00

With friends like those...

2011-03-02T18:26:00.001-08:00

There is currently an ad campaign in New Zealand for the Alcohol Advisory Council called ‘ease up on the drink’. Here is one of the ads:

The reason I really liked this is because, looked at from a self defence (defence against others, rather than ourselves in this case) perspective it highlights an important consideration in the avoidance stage of self protection; that is knowing how your friends/spouse conduct themselves when out, particularly when alcohol is involved.

I have a friend who is a really good guy, and would give you the shirt off his back if you needed it. But when we used to go out, as soon as he had a bit of alcohol in him, he would change. In keeping the theme of the ALACNZ ad, he would become:

“Stare everyone down, friend”
“Shoulder barge random people looking for a fight, friend”
“Mr no-shirt, invincible, friend”
“Hit on everyone’s girlfriend, friend”
“Break bottles, and anything else he could, friend”
“Get himself, and everyone else with him in trouble and ruin their night, friend”

I liked the ad because it encourages open communication, which is what I had to do with my mate. I told him it was not on and unless he changed the way he behaved, I no longer wanted to go out with him. I told him that I am not willing to be put into a fight and risk my safety, my life, my family’s happiness, or my freedom because he became a clown when he drinks too much. As it turned out, nothing changed so I don’t go out with him anymore , I refuse to be put in that situation. That is the first stage of self defence - avoidance through awareness and intuition - in action.
Understanding third party interference/influence is a part of the avoidance stage of self protection. My advice is that if you have mates who behave like this, have a hard word with them. If they refuse to change, stop going out with them in those environments. It may seem harsh, but a good mate will not knowingly put you in danger.

Food for thought anyway...

2011-02-26T20:29:00.000-08:00

Protect Wellington Regional Instructor Darcy Mellsop with some of the team at a specialist Women's Personal Protection course in Wellington, Feb 2011.

2011-02-26T18:34:00.000-08:00

The team at the 'Best Defence - Phase 1' course at Dragon's Spirit ITF - Auckland Feb 2011. Awesome day with awesome people! Thank you to all who attended.

'Gang member's...Just hit 'em!' (yeah right)

2011-02-23T15:51:00.000-08:00

Today I heard a very disturbing piece of ‘advice’ given by a so-called ‘self defence instructor’ to his students. Frequently I hear things that make me cringe because they are just so wrong or even irresponsible (sometimes just downright funny if it were not for the fact the attendees tend to believe what they are told). I thought I had to share this one...He was discussing what to do if you are confronted by a gang member. His (‘black & white’, ‘absolute only way’) advice was along the lines of:

"Gang members are cowards. They are a joke. That is why they are in gangs. If you are confronted by a gang member or a group of gang members, don’t bother about trying to run or talk your way out of it, even if you think you easily can. The best thing to do is walk up and drop the biggest guy. The rest of them will be shocked and leave you alone. Let the rest of them know that you are not to be messed with, walk right through the middle of them, shoulders up and tall, show them you mean business. Then leave slowly so they can see you are not afraid."

Ok, for those of you reading this who know anything about real violence, you are probably thinking that no-one could be so stupid as to teach this, but someone is, and someone did.

The reasons that this (mis)information is so ridiculous, dangerous, and ignorant may be obvious to many, but equally many others (such as his students who seemed to be hanging on his every word *Sigh*) will not know so I will explain a few of the reasons here. I am not even going to touch on the fundamental principles of real Self Protection that we teach, which include recognition and avoidance strategies, de-escalation strategies, and post-event issues – ALL of which would cover reasons why this advice is terrible, I will focus solely on the specific dynamics of gang violence today.

Disclaimer: Everyone who has trained with me or other Protect instructors will know that we do not believe in a ‘cookie-cutter’ approach to dealing with violence. There are just too many variables to have a ‘if someone does this, you should do that’ approach which is why we teach principles, concepts, and techniques but also the context to each one as well. So because of that, is it possible that this instructor’s recommended approach could actually work? The answer is yes. I have seen and heard of some outrageous ways that people have avoided or survived violence so anything is possible, and the art of the bluff is certainly a useful tool...at times. But the reason I am taking exception to this is because it was taught as the ‘only’ way that these situations should be dealt with, ‘end of story’. That is ignorant and dangerous.

Firstly, it is immediately obvious that this person has never been involved with gang violence, or any other type of serious violence in my opinion, even though he claims otherwise. Nobody who has been involved with real violence, and is in a sane state of mind (and not sociopathic) would advise this unless they were deliberately lying with the intention of selling you something or ‘bigging themself up’.

So, firstly, what are gangs? Simply put they are groups of people sharing an identity, who claim a territory, interact predominantly among themselves, often wear distinctive clothing including colours, insignias, and ‘patches’, generally engage in criminal and anti-social activity regularly, create an environment of fear and intimidation, and often communicate with each other in unique ways. They will often display their affiliation with tattoos, scars, cigarette burns, sometimes adding a new tattoo or scar to display another victim that they have murdered. Gangs are present in almost every race, ethnicity, and economic and social circle. Both male and female gang members carry out acts of violence, drug deals, crimes, carry weapons, intimidate and lead by fear within their organisation. Gangs participate in drug manufacturing and dealing, murder, rape, prostitution, fraud, car theft, stand-overs, kidnapping, extortion, human trafficking, burglary, assaults, weapons dealing, money laundering, vandalism (including tagging), among other things. Gangs operate as a ‘family’ (and I use that term very loosely), if you mess with one of them, you have messed with all of them, and that is not a place you ever want to find yourself.

These people are not a ‘joke’. Prospects (prospective gang members, new recruits) often have to pass initiation tests to be able to join. These sometimes include murder, assaults, rape, various crimes, taking the rap for something that another member did, or taking a severe beating to prove their ‘toughness’. Gang member reputations are made through crimes, particularly violent crimes.

Regardless of how we may feel about them, the danger they pose is real. Gang members operate on what we call the ‘three R’s’: Reputation, Respect, Revenge. Make no mistake, coming up against a gang member is going to have consequences (as most real violence does), probably very serious ones. I am not writing this to help support the environment of fear and intimidation that the gangs already impose, but if you remember the instructor’s advice above; “...don’t bother about trying to run or talk your way out of it, even if you think you easily can. The best thing to do is walk up and drop the biggest guy.” You will start to see why I am writing this. Because as with almost all potentially violent situations, avoidance and/or de-escalation are far and away the best option if they are available. If they are not available then of course we have to do what we have to do to survive and get home, but that is a LAST resort, not a first.

A gang member’s reputation is everything to them. They will protect it at all costs. A loss of reputation could mean becoming a target of rival gangs, or their own gang, and a loss of status among the gang. They treat it seriously, it is worth more to them than your wellbeing, or even maybe your life. If the gang member feels his/her reputation has been damaged, there will be retribution. There has to be. If he doesn’t he may well be beaten, disgraced, expelled, or even murdered by his own gang. Do you want to be the person in between that? Revenge is a huge deal for them. Finding yourself the target of that revenge is about as far away from comfort as you will find yourself. Because reputation is so huge, no assault or insult can be let go. It is a hell of an incentive to avoid at all costs if you can, not walk up and ‘teach them a lesson’!

Quite simply, anyone who willingly engages a gang member(s) when there were other options is misinformed or to be blunt, stupid.

This is why I always encourage our students to learn from anyone and everyone they can, to take that information, question it, pull out the good bits and chuck away the bad. I personally encourage every student or course attendee to challenge me on anything I have said or taught, if I can’t back it up I shouldn’t be teaching it. It is potentially people’s lives at stake, not some game or ego-contest.

So my advice today is to question anything you are told about ‘self defence’ to make sure it is the right information for you. Don’t just simply and blindly trust someone’s advice because they are the teacher or ‘master’. Challenge and question, do it respectfully of course, but do it diligently.

I'd like to add that my thoughts are with everyone in Christchurch, and everyone affected by the devastating earthquake there. This has affected every Kiwi and all of NZ is standing beside you all to help you through.

Cheers

Phil

'Power Up Your Kids' latest article from Darcy Mellsop

2011-02-16T14:43:00.000-08:00

Here is Wellington Regional Instructor Darcy Mellsop's latest article. Enjoy!

Latest media article from Darcy

2011-02-03T17:24:00.000-08:00

Here is Darcy's latest article: 'Stranger Danger?'

Enjoy!

Darcy Mellsop Media Article Jan 21 2011

2011-01-20T17:45:00.001-08:00

Here is Darcy Mellsop's (Regional Instructor for Protect's Wellington office) latest column. Enjoy.

Media Article: Understanding Men's Violence

2011-01-09T12:26:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone,

Here is Darcy Mellsop's latest article: 'Understanding Men's Violence'

Latest Media article by Darcy Mellsop

2010-11-24T15:01:00.001-08:00

Here is the latest newspaper article by Darcy. Enjoy!

Protect on TV3...

2010-11-23T15:09:00.000-08:00

Here's another video from a TV3 programme 'Pacific Beat Street' which airs on multiple channels in New Zealand featuring Protect Self Defence's founders Phil and Athena Thompson. Good times! :-)

Protect on TV again!

2010-11-21T00:00:00.000-08:00

Protect Self Defence featured on TV again this week, this time on TVNZ's "Would Like To Work"...

Free video on Self Defence Fundamentals!

2010-11-04T19:05:00.000-07:00

Hi Everyone,

We have had so many questions on the fundamental aspects of our training that we have done something very cool for you...Click on this link:

http://www.protectlessonsgiveaway.com/signup.php

Enter your name and email and we will send you a video that was taken at one of our recent seminars where I explain many of our fundamentals. Not only that, but you can get a second video for free too, instructions on how to do that are on the email you will receive when you request this one.

Anyone interested in real self defence will get good value from these videos. I'd love to hear your feedback too.

Enjoy!

Phil

Latest media article from Darcy: "Crime affects us all"

2010-11-01T13:19:00.000-07:00

Another Self Defence column from Darcy Mellsop

2010-10-18T15:59:00.000-07:00

Darcy has been busy! Here is his latest article. :-)

Self Defence column from Darcy Mellsop

2010-10-18T15:52:00.000-07:00

Here is another self defence column written by Darcy. Enjoy!

Latest Article from Darcy: "Ego and Intuition"

2010-10-14T21:06:00.000-07:00

Wellington Protect Self Defence Instructor Darcy Mellsop has been writing a series of articles for a Wellington newspaper. Here is his latest...

Another Hoax Email...Don't waste your time forwarding to anyone...

2010-10-14T18:49:00.000-07:00

Here is another hoax email doing the rounds. Don't waste your time and your friend's time by sending these on, they rarely add any value at all and generally just promote unwarranted fear and worry. This one has been adapted from an Urban Legends website...

"This has happened on Barrett Road in New Plymouth

Worth Passing On!

This is happening now!

Sad, especially if you are inclined to 'help' people....

While driving on a rural end of the roadway on Thursday
morning, I saw an infant car seat on the side of the
road with a blanket draped over it. For whatever
reason, I did not stop, even though I had all kinds of
thoughts running through my head. But when I got to my
destination, I called the Police and they were going
to check it out. But, this is what the Police advised
even before they went out there to check....

"There are several things to be aware of ... gangs and
thieves are now plotting different ways to get a person
(mostly women)to stop their vehicle and get out of the
car.

"There is a gang initiation reported by the local
Police where gangs are placing a car seat by the
road...with a fake baby in
it...waiting for a woman, of course, to stop and check
on the abandoned baby.

"Note that the location of this car seat is usually
beside a wooded or grassy (field) area and the person
-- woman -- will be dragged into the woods, beaten and
raped, and usually left for dead. If it's a man,
they're usually beaten and robbed and maybe left for
dead, too.

DO NOT STOP FOR ANY REASON!!!

DIAL 1 1 1
AND REPORT WHAT YOU SAW, BUT DON'T EVEN SLOW DOWN.

"IF YOU ARE DRIVING AT NIGHT AND EGGS ARE THROWN AT
YOUR WINDSCREEN, DO NOT STOP TO CHECK THE CAR, DO NOT
OPERATE THE WIPER AND DO NOT SPRAY ANY WATER BECAUSE
EGGS MIXED
WITH WATER BECOME MILKY AND BLOCK YOUR VISION UP TO
92.5%, AND YOU ARE THEN FORCED TO STOP BESIDE THE
ROAD AND BECOME A VICTIM OF THESE CRIMINALS.

THIS IS A NEW TECHNIQUE USED BY GANGS, SO PLEASE
INFORM YOUR FRIENDS AND RELATIVES.

THESE ARE DESPERATE TIMES AND THESE ARE UNSAVOURY
INDIVIDUALS WHO WILL TAKE DESPERATE MEASURES TO GET
WHAT THEY WANT."

Please talk to your loved ones about this. This is a
new tactic used. Please be safe.

Get started NOW -- SEND THIS MESSAGE TO ALL YOUR
FRIENDS AND LOVED ONES TO BE CAREFUL AND AWARE OF
EVERYTHING AROUND THEM SO AS NOT TO BECOME A VICTIM."

Good storyline for a cheap horror movie though... :-)

2010-10-05T14:41:00.000-07:00

We (Protect Self Defence) and Darcy Mellsop (Protect Wellington Region Instructor) have been presented the rare 'Certificate Of Friendship' from Wellington Rape Crisis for the work we are doing with them. This is very cool! :-)

Self Defence? Ummm...No...

2010-09-29T19:11:00.000-07:00

What do you want to hear about?

2010-09-28T19:24:00.000-07:00

Damn!

2010-09-14T14:18:00.000-07:00

I have seen some interesting fights and situations in my time...But this one...:-)

Wellington Charity Seminar another success...

2010-09-07T14:48:00.000-07:00

The following is a blog from Wellington Regional Instructor Darcy Mellsop. It has to go under my profile for now until we get this blog issue sorted...:-) Phil

Last Thursday (2nd September) Phil and I ran our Women’s personal safety seminar (as designed by Athena) in Wellington, which complemented the same seminar that we ran in Auckland in July. Christchurch – we are too weary to venture down there just yet! In all seriousness, you have our thoughts and support as you rebuild your city and feeling of peace – take care down there our beloved Cantabrians.

The seminar was packed full of strategies that can be used to keep ourselves safer – and Phil and I talked non-stop for 2 hours. The core focus were 7 manipulation strategies that men with sinister intent use. 2 hours of talking, surely that’s information overload? No, the time seemed to fly by and going by the responses the attendees at the event were really positive, and were prepared to really investigate violence to a detailed extent.

We know that coming to an event like this for many means stepping well out of their comfort zone, and of course, when you do this – in the right environment – you are duly rewarded. Perhaps Phil and I can take a little credit for the environment we set, but not the decision made by the participants to come along. Ignorance of violence is not an effective protection strategy, but it isn’t a pretty subject to talk about. But really, that’s a subject for another blog some other time.

As with any course or seminar that Protect runs, we found it hugely rewarding. And more than anything, we are rewarded when we hear what others experience at our seminars. Here are some of the responses from those who attended:

• "Thanks to you and Phil (and Athena) for putting this seminar together. The content was very powerful, and like a great movie (and I’m not talking ‘chick flick’!), it stayed with me for a loooooong while after. I appreciated yours and Phil’s honesty. It’s not always easy to talk about the truth…"

• "I just wanted to thank you very much for the seminar the other evening. There were a few a-ha moments for me during the evening and I thought you and Phil provided very in-depth reasonings behind your findings."

• "Really enjoyed meeting you and Phil the other night and was impressed with the seminar - so not what I expected."

And from Wellington Rape Crisis:

“... want to sincerely thank you and Phil for being so supportive and generous to Wellington Rape Crisis. What you raised from the seminar really is a big deal for us, and we are just so grateful!...I want to acknowledge the careful, thoughtful, sensitive and analytical approach you took to sexual violence and gendered violence...”

How much did we raise for Wellington Rape Crisis? $748.10

Oh, and I final comment from a participant:
"I think you did a fantastic job, not only the standing up and the kangaroo story"

Want to know what the Kangaroo story is about? See you at the next Wellington seminar on Saturday 6th November – bookings can be made now on our events page. Proceeds again to Wellington Rape Crisis.

And if I am to have the final word – it is this, thank you for coming – it was an absolute pleasure. As always, take care.

Darcy

Empty the cup a bit? Maybe?

2010-09-05T22:29:00.000-07:00

I just had an interesting experience which got me thinking so I thought I’d write it down...

I was having lunch with some old colleagues and a guy I have not met before today who is a friend of theirs. As we were chatting about our respective businesses the “new guy” who has apparently trained in martial arts(“Bill”) said to me, without any pre-framing, “Self Defence aye? So what are YOU going to teach me that I don’t already know?!”
Now given that tonality accounts for a very large portion of verbal communication it would not have mattered what came out of his mouth at that moment, in the tone that he said this to me in it was immediately obvious that ego was in the driving seat.

My reply was, in a friendly and respectful tone “That depends, what do you want to learn?”

His reply “I already know everything I need to know about fighting!”

“Do I even bother?” Was my thought process at this stage. I really just wanted to enjoy lunch...

So my reply was “Cool. Well I’d love to pick your brain sometime about fighting, I love to learn from anyone with experience, because I sure don’t know everything about fighting, and in return maybe I could give you some info on self-defence?” (note the deliberate attempt to infer that they are two TOTALLY different animals)

His (overtly sarcastic) reply was “They’re the same bloody thing mate! What the hell are you talking about? Have you just started or something?”

At this point I decided that I really couldn’t be bothered. I just didn’t feel like getting into it and I have learned that the best way to be invincible is to become defenceless, that is, not attached to any one point of view but to be open to other opinions even if I don’t share them, so I just let it go.

“Fair enough mate. Tell me about your business it sounds really interesting?” That was all I had to do to re-direct the energy as the rest of that conversation was centred around him and his business. It was so apparent though as he talked that he shared the “I know everything and no-body can teach me anything” attitude in his business and other aspects of his life too. Many of which it seems are struggling, a lot.

Fear seemed to be fuelling his ego and ego of course fuels all manner of justifications. I guess this attitude fulfils his need for certainty, but what about the need for growth? That seemed so seriously lacking. Everything in life is either growing or dying, if you stand still too long you get left behind as the world keeps moving forwards. Bruce Lee prophetically stated “The usefulness of the cup is it’s emptiness”. If our ‘cup’ is too full (or in “Bill’s” case overflowing) there is nothing anyone can ever teach us and we miss out on improving and growing and moving forward.

At first I felt sad for him that he was so obviously letting his fear of the unknown and his fear of stepping outside his comfort zone and learning new things hold him back, but then I remembered it is his choice to do so. It just made me think about some areas of my life where I may be slipping into the same belief system and becoming complacent, so Bill did me a favour in that regard as it caused me to take stock of myself.

Maybe it has just been my experience so far but every person I have met who has taught me a lot and who I have found to be knowledgeable and have valuable insight, in any field not solely Self Defence, has generally also freely admitted that they don’t know it all and are still constantly learning.

The Bill’s of this world do not know it all like they claim to. They just know all that they are willing to learn. And if that is bringing them the results that they want and they are happy, great. I just wonder if it really is and how much they will miss out on by having a full cup.

Anyway, it just got me thinking.

Serial Killer loose in Auckland!!! (Not!)

2010-08-12T18:06:00.000-07:00

Hi Everyone,

Today I received the below ‘urgent’ email for the fourth time with people asking me what they should do from a self defence perspective to avoid this man. The answer to that is easy: Delete the email. It is a hoax, like most of these emails are. I have copied the email below NOT so that you forward it to your friends, NOT so that it has the intended effect of making you feel unwarranted fear, and NOT for any other reason other than I want to flesh out the topic of these emails briefly and it is good to see an example of what I am talking about. So here it is, with the discussion following it:

“ ( Article from Ten One , NZ Police Edition )

Know what money you are carrying! or pay using Eftpos you will see why as you read!

Be sure every lady is aware of this. Share it with your wife and
daughters. Know what money you are carrying. This was the first I have heard of a scheme like this.. I wanted to pass it along. Be safe! It
is something very serious to pay attention to.

Criminals are coming up with craftier, less threatening methods of attack, so we have to be extra cautious. Read on.

I live near Herne Bay in Auckland and as many of you know from
Police Ten Seven and last weeks news there is a killer in the Auckland area. I just want to let you know about an 'incident ' that happened to me a few days ago, and it may have been deadly.

At first I didn't go to the police or anyone with it because I didn't realize how serious this encounter was. But since I work in Comms ( NZ Police ) i told a few people about it, it wasn't long before I was paraded into Internal Affairs to tell them my story.

It was proximately 5:15 a.m. I had stayed with a friend in Manurewa and was on my way to work. I stopped at the Mobil Station Quay st City to get petrol. I purchased $10 petrol and a Diet Coke. I took into the store two $5 bills and four $1 coins (just enough to make my purchases ).

As I pulled away from the store, a man approached my car from the back side of the store (an unlit area). He was an approachable-looking' man(clean cut, clean shaven, dressed well, etc.). He walked up to my window and knocked. Since I'm very paranoid and 'always looking for the rapist or killer,' I didn't open the window I just asked what he wanted. He raised a $5 bill ("$5 Bill" - American terminology supposedly written by a kiwi - Phil) to my window and said, 'You dropped this.' Since I knew I had gone into the store with a certain amount of money, I knew I didn't drop it.
When I told him it wasn't mine, he began hitting the window and door, screaming at me to open my door, and insisting that I had dropped the money!

At that point, I just drove away as fast as I could. After talking to the Police at Auckland Central and spoke with Detective Kevin Hooper describing the man I saw, and the way he escalated from calm and polite to angry and volatile....it was determined that I could have possibly encountered the killer myself.

Up to this point, it had been unclear as to how he had gained access to his victims, since there has been no evidence of forced entry into victim's homes, cars, etc and he is also the main suspect in the Stabbing case which took place in upmarket Remuera involving a 53 yo lady on March 26th , 2010.
And the fact that he has been attacking in the daytime, when women are less likely to have their guard up, means he is pretty BOLD.

So think about it...what gesture is nicer than returning money to someone that dropped it?????

How many times would you have opened your window (or door) to get your money and say thank you.... because if the person is kind enough to return something to you, then he can't really be a threat....can he????
Please be cautious! This might not have been the serial killer... but anyone that gets that angry over someone not accepting money from them, can't have honourable intentions. The most important thing to note is his reaction was! NOT WHAT I EXPECTED! A total surprise! But what might have happened if I had opened my door? I shudder to think!

Forward this to everyone you know...maybe they can be as fortunate as I was!

P.S . Ladies, really DO forward this to EVERYONE you know Even if this wasn't a serial killer, he looked nice, he seemed polite, he was apparently doing an act of kindness, but HE WAS NOT A NICE PERSON!!! Men send it to all the women in your life. What you do today is important because you are exchanging a day of your life for it. Make it a good one!
Please copy, paste and send this to anyone you think might benefit from this story”

Ok, so there it is. Most of us have seen this type of email before. Firstly let me confirm that it is fake. It is not from the ‘Ten One’ publication and it is not referring to any actual case in NZ. As far as I am aware there is no serial killer operating in Auckland and if there is this email has nothing to do with it.

So are these emails good or bad? Are they in any way helpful or are they just a nuisance? They all have a different slant to them of course so I’ll just comment on this one, it is fairly representative of the rest of this type though.

To start with, for the life of me I don’t know why people bother starting these fictitious email trails. I am not tech savvy at all so maybe there is a reason for it, a benefit to the original author, or maybe it is a case of ‘Occums Razor’ and these people really don’t have anything better to do so they sit around writing these things. (If anyone can shed light on that for me I’d love to hear it)

I’ll cut to the chase on the helpfulness vs nuisance value of this email. Is there some helpful value in it? Maybe, a little. I would break it down to about 95% nuisance and 5% value. The value (maybe) lies in that it increases some level of awareness around unsolicited approaches by strangers in ‘out-of-context’ situations and may help people think ahead of how they would deal with such situations if they should happen to them. This is a valuable exercise and follows a concept that we train in at Protect but it has to be done the right way, from a positive and empowering standpoint and that may not be the case here. It also highlights that ‘bad guys’ most of the time don’t ‘look like bad guys’, they look like every day people and it is their behaviour that makes them dangerous not their appearance. But that’s about it. A lot of it depends on the readers’ level of experience on the subject of violence and Self Defence. If the reader has a good understanding and knowledge of our training then they will be able to sort the wheat from the chaff and form their own educated opinions on the value of the email and what (if any) lessons can be taken from it. But for most people, they do not have any level of knowledge in this field (sadly) so this distinction cannot be made.

The other 95% is not just annoying, it is dangerous. It serves to create un-warranted fear in the reader. This un-warranted fear can manifest itself as worry, anxiety and hyper-tension and cause people to un-necessarily change their habits and develop a paranoia mindset. This is disempowering and dangerous. We have enough in our lives to worry about (and the media loves to add to that on a daily basis) without having these annoying emails compunding it. My advice is to skim read them if you feel like it and if they really do seem genuine (and that is highly unlikely) visit the police website to confirm. We are lucky to have a very well-informed and pro-active police force in NZ, if the threat is real they will let us know through official channels, not some ‘forward to your friends’ email trail. And when it turns out to be fake, delete it and get on with your day. Alternatively, just delete it straight away with all of the other SPAM as these usually carry as much value as the ones offering cheap Rolex watches, Viagra, or the 11.2 million dollar inheritance from King Jabbar of Nigeria.

Cheers

Phil

The difference that makes a difference...

2010-07-23T02:33:00.000-07:00

I’ve mentioned it before but I’ll say it again, I am a damn lucky guy to be able to train with the team at our group classes (as well as all of the other members of the Protect team).

This morning one of our team (who I just know would want to remain nameless out of humility) just mentioned an incident that happened this morning. He went into a coffee shop in Central Auckland and a homeless man was slumped over one of the tables. He had bought himself a coffee and apparently then sat down and just slumped onto the table face down. Apparently there were about 40 other people in the cafe and not a single one did anything except stare, giggle and whisper about it. But the fact was, he looked like he may have been very ill or even like he wasn’t breathing.

So what did our team member do? Ignore it or laugh at it like everyone else? Hell no. He went over to the gentlemen in front of everyone, firmly placed his hand on his shoulder (firm enough to wake him if he was asleep but in such a way to show that he wanted to help), to which the man woke up, and asked him “are you ok mate, I was a bit worried about ya”. The man was grateful but said he was fine, just tired.

Now, yes, before the emails come in about potential danger etc, our team member did it with his awareness up and with tactical positioning in case the gentlemen lashed out or something but he didn’t and it is important to keep things in context.

The reason I mention this though is because no-one else helped. Time and time again we hear about these things. And I know that every member of our team would have done something to help this guy out. While many others in the world stare and laugh, they care enough to offer a hand. That is it in a nutshell, they really care.

I am very proud and humbled to train with these people and be a part of their team. I may be the instructor, but they teach me as much as I teach them.

Cheers guys and gals, you rock.

Taboo subjects...Not any more.

2010-07-22T15:54:00.001-07:00

One of the toughest parts of my job is that I often need to tell people things that they don’t want to hear. Often these things cause resistance but they are vitally important to people’s safety that they know them. Sometimes too the topics may be very uncomfortable. Here is an example of one of the uncomfortable ones...

Yesterday a person I know, who has not had any Self Defence training before called me and asked if he could meet me as soon as possible. He had just been in a threatening situation that morning and was still very shaken up and confused by it. I won’t go into the details of the situation, except to say that it was certainly not his fault, and the extent of the physical assault on him was to be pushed up against a wall and slapped across the face by his male aggressor. With absolutely no training he responded how most people do, he froze and had no idea what to do. Fortunately the situation diffused and the aggressor left him alone, albeit very shaken. I have his permission to use his case as an example.

I met him and had him explain in detail what had happened. I helped him re-define the meaning of the event for him and explained some ways with which he could deal with the aftermath trauma that he was experiencing. I sensed though that he was telling me 99% of it but holding something back. I didn’t press him on it, knowing that he would tell me if and when he was ready. After a while it came out. He said to me “Mate, something else happened and I am so ashamed of myself”. I asked him what that was, knowing it could be any number of stress responses that he was referring to, all perfectly normal.

He reluctantly told me that he had wet himself during the incident.

He was embarrassed to tell me this, ashamed of himself.

This is another classic demonstration of the level of most people’s knowledge around real violence, or more importantly, their lack of it. Most of what people think they know about violence and Self Defence in a very large pile of bull manure.

The fact is, as I explained to my friend, this is a perfectly normal human stress response. If you have contents in your lower intestines during a highly stressful situation, it is very likely to go. Your body at that point doesn’t care about bladder (or often too, sphincter) control, and may just let go. And if that happens what do you do? Keep focused on dealing with the situation. If you know it is normal and are ready for it if it happens then it won’t catch you off guard. But when is the last time someone told you about this and warned you that it may happen? When was the last time you watched an action flick where the lead actor playing a tough guy, cop, soldier, or whatever, wet his pants in the midst of combat? Not often, if ever.

If you have ever dealt with injured or traumatised people as an ambulance officer, firefighter, or police officer, then you know that a significant number urinate or defecate themselves.

Because of the stigma attached to this most often it is not something that is shared or discussed, so when it does happen to someone and they are not prepared it can leave them confused and thinking “what’s wrong with me?” Well, now that you have read this you know that in fact nothing is ‘wrong with you’ if it happens, it is normal. There is power in just knowing how normal it is.

One of the most studied events in history would have to be the 9/11 attacks, and yet very few know that apparently most of the survivors lost bladder and/or bowel control. Now does that make them less courageous at all? Of course not. But if it does happen to us it would be good and useful to know that it is normal.

Violence is a toxic, corrosive, often confusing environment. It is time to cut through all of the rubbish and get to the point so that we can better prepare people mentally, physically and emotionally should they need it and that is what we are doing.

Armed Robberies in Kiwi Businesses (and the 'armchair critics' advice...)

2010-07-18T21:07:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the lack of regular blogs lately, we have had a huge month and been a bit snowed under!

In the past week I have had several people ask me about the 60 Minutes documentary shown last week discussing the spate of armed robberies happening to dairies and liquor stores in NZ, and specifically whether the staff should ‘fight back’.

The programme featured several different dairy owners who have been victims of armed holdups in their Auckland dairies (some multiple times). Some of them were of the opinion that they will always simply comply with the robber’s requests. Others believe it is better to ‘fight them off’. One man chased a robber who was armed with a knife out of his store with a machete and has labelled a hero by many.

The programme featured strongly the case of Mr Navtej Singh (who I wrote about here) who was shot dead by a robber in his Manurewa liquor store even though he was complying fully with the robber’s demands. Another dairy owner who complied had his throat cut (survived).

The question being raised was “what is the ‘right’ way to deal with these situations, fight back or comply”? I can appreciate where many people are coming from with this as it seems that the ‘rules have changed’ somewhat from the old belief of ‘give them whatever they want and get them out of there and you won’t be hurt’ as with the case of Mr Singh who it is believed complied fully and was still shot dead.

Firstly I want to make something very clear; I am not judging the actions of any of these people who have been victims of robberies in any way. They did the best with the information they had and whether it worked out well for them or not, that is all that can be asked of anybody.

So removing this blog away from any particular person and making it generically focused on the topics raised on the programme, let’s have a look at some of the points made.

Firstly, is it ‘better’ to fight back or is it ‘better’ to comply? My take on this is the same as my take on any self defence related question along the same lines, and that is ‘it depends’. There are never black and white answers to dealing with violence. Anyone who says there are is someone who is misinformed or has an agenda. Violence is not clean, it is not precise, subtle, or rule-bound. It is a million shades of grey, often chaotic, usually scary as hell and has many aspects to it which are influenced by any of thousands of variables. It annoys me when I hear people (often arm-chair critics) saying ‘he should have done this’ or ‘you should have done that’ as there is simply no such thing. People who offer this type of ‘advice’ are usually worth ignoring.

The fact is, NOBODY can say for sure what they would do in one of these situations. We can hypothesize, and we can train to prepare ourselves as much as we can so we will know how we will ‘probably’ react, but no-one ever knows for sure until you are actually put in that situation.

While it is true that sometimes people who comply with robbers’ demands are still hurt or even killed that does not render this a flawed strategy. It is still the safest strategy against an armed offender in ‘most’ situations. Are there exceptions to this ‘rule’? Yes, of course there are. But that does not mean a knee jerk reaction should be adopted because a couple of compliant victims of these robberies were still injured/killed. The fact is that most are not.

One thing I am certain of is that if we adopt the (dangerous) belief that it is ‘always’ better to fight off an armed robber/robbers, as was being suggested by several people on the program, then we are going to be faced with a lot more injuries and deaths in these cases than we have seen so far. In fact, they will become commonplace.

One question I have is why have the vast majority of these shop-keepers not received training for dealing with armed robberies and/or self defence training? This is clearly a serious, growing issue and one that is held at the forefront of many of these shop-keepers’ minds. So perhaps it is time to get some training to learn how to deal with these situations if they should arise. I asked the owner at my local dairy this morning about this and if he was concerned about it. He told me he is very concerned and that he is on edge every day while he waits for what he believes is inevitable, that his store will be robbed. I asked him why, if he is so worried about this, that he has not received any training on it. He said it was too expensive and he can’t get time away to do it. Now I am not pushing our training here, but our armed robbery course is not expensive and are anywhere from 4 hours to a day long. Neither are the others run by other organisations out there. And certainly not when compared to the uninsured loss of cash from even one armed robbery, completely forgetting about all of the other factors for a moment. This needs to change. There is a genuine threat to these people’s safety and yet there seems to be a barrier in the way stopping them from getting training to help them deal with it both physically, emotionally, mentally, legally, and ethically.

I wondered to myself, upon watching the video footage of a shopkeeper armed with a machete running after a robber who was armed with a knife; “what would he do if he caught up to him?” what if the robber stopped, turned around and confronted him? What if the robber tripped and the shop-keeper, fuelled by adrenaline, fear and anger, with a loss of fine motor skills and complex and rational thought processes, found himself suddenly standing over the robber armed with his machete, what would he do? You see, as we sit here reading this blog in a positive state of mind, without the effects of extreme fear and anger (the two most predominant emotions in these situations), without all of the effects of the Adrenal Conditioned Stress Response, without all of the thousands of variables which can occur and lead you to misinterpret actions and situations, without the emotional momentum caused by the situation, among many other things, we can probably say just what ‘we would do in this situation’. But that is not how these situations unfold. The shop-keeper will have all of the effects listed above and a lot more. With no rational thought processes present and fear and anger in the driver’s seat the consequences could be disastrous. He could be injured/killed or could injure/kill the offender un-necessarily.

One of the issues raised on the programme was around a person who did ‘defend himself’ and was prosecuted for his actions resulting in people crying foul about it and going on about how the justice system is so flawed. Now I don’t know the full case here so I am writing based solely on what was said, which may be incomplete, but the situation here is probably pretty straight forward. The Self Defence law in NZ is pretty simple really:

Section 48 of the Crimes Act 1961 - Self-defence and defence of another - Everyone is justified in using, in the defence of himself or another, such force as, in the circumstances as he believes them to be, it is reasonable to use.

The key word in there: ‘Reasonable’. Reasonable force. Section 48 does not provide immunity from prosecution for using self-defence. Unless the circumstances clearly show the force used was appropriate and in self-defence, meaning that it was reasonable, justifiable, and proportionate, the person who has used the force may have to explain their justification to a criminal court. If it is found that the actions of the ‘defender’ were not reasonable, justifiable, and/or proportionate then that person may find themselves up on charges.

The law is designed to protect people, not punish them for protecting themselves when it was reasonable to do so. Generally this means that a person who is prosecuted for ‘protecting themselves’ has gone too far. If they hadn’t, they wouldn’t be prosecuted (all other things being equal). But how far is too far? And what causes an otherwise placid person to smack a robber over the head with a hammer when they were already fleeing, or strike them with the machete when they were already on the ground and looking to get away? Lack of any training for one thing. Under pressure we can do things that we would otherwise never think we were capable of, there is a reason for that but I will explain in another blog to keep this from being 10,000 words. You only need to look at the psychological dynamics of ‘crimes of passion’. In most cases the person who just stabbed their spouse to death, 10 minutes before the incident would never have thought they could ever do such a thing, and 10 minutes after it they would do anything to take back what they have done. Why? Because 10 minutes before and 10 minutes afterwards (for example) they are thinking rationally, whereas in the heat of the moment, that part of the brain is shut down and doesn’t have access to the right ‘files’ if they have never been trained for it.

Training (correct training) bridges these gaps. It helps to fill the brain with files which will work for the person, not against them in these situations. It lets them make a conscious decision on whether to physically hurt the person, not an unconscious one which could result in disastrous consequences.

And putting the ‘fighting back’ question aside, if we simply look at basic skills for dealing with Armed Robbery, these are absolutely vital to ensuring the best outcome possible given the situation. If compliance is the best option, it is important to know HOW to comply. Understanding tactical body language, eye contact, use of voice, information capture (for police response), the reactions of someone on methamphetamine, dealing with evidence, dealing with customers, making the store safe while police get there, even how to call for help (there is more to this than meets the eye), along with a lot of other things are all vital skills to ensure the shop-keepers/their families/staff/customers/Police’s safety in an event like this. Something as seemingly small as understanding how to ‘hand over the cash’ can be the difference between life and death if you have not been trained on how to do it.

Training is not going to stop these events from happening, the problem is much bigger than any one incident in any one dairy obviously, but it can go a long way towards helping the shop-keeper make informed decisions under pressure on how best to deal with the situation to ensure the best possible outcome in a very horrible situation.

I say again, there is no right or wrong in these situations, there is no “he should have done this”, it is just about having an understanding of the dynamics of these situations and having the right training to help deal with them. Is it better to fight them off or just to comply? Good question. The answer; It depends. The best thing that these people can do for themselves is to be as prepared as possible.

Protect opens Wellington classes!

2010-07-18T20:05:00.000-07:00

Athena and I are very pleased to announce a new member to the Protect team, Darcy Mellsop.

Darcy has been appointed as the Protect instructor for the Wellington region after a very long induction and training program. Darcy is enthusiastic, passionate and honest in his approach to helping empower people through self defence and it is our pleasure to welcome him to the team.

Darcy is in the process of confirming a venue for group classes to run from so watch this space! As soon as details are confirmed we will let you know.

Darcy’s details can be found here.

Facebook Predators

2010-07-13T17:32:00.000-07:00

Below is an article by Lori Getz regarding Facebook Predators:

Ashleigh Hall, 17, was raped and murdered by a 33-year-old man she met on Facebook who was posing as a teenager. How does this happen?

Who is Peter Cartwright? Is he a 19-year-old Facebook hottie, or a 33-year-old registered sex offender? The answer became clear after the man behind the pseudo-identity, Peter Chapman, raped and murdered 17-year-old Ashleigh Hall in the fall of last year. He was found guilty on Monday and sentenced to 35 years in prison.

Ashleigh and Peter met on Facebook and quickly became friendly, exchanging notes on their walls. They even sent text messages to each other. Peter was posing as an attractive 19-year-old, using a photo of a bare-chested young man as his profile picture.
Within a month, Peter had convinced Ashleigh to agree to a face-to-face meeting, telling her his father would be picking her up for the weekend rendezvous. Ashleigh’s body was found the following Monday.

How does this happen? How do good kids fall prey to such horror? What is Facebook’s responsibility? What is our responsibility as parents?

First, it happens more often than we want to think. It doesn’t always end as tragically, but our kids are enamored with being “famo,” or Internet-famous. The more friends they have online, the more popular they seem to think they are. But this just isn’t so. The truth is, the more online friends they have, the bigger the target on their back.

Good kids fall prey to predators for a couple of reasons:

1) They are trusting! They have a hard time believing anyone would want to do them harm.

2) Predators are smart and patient! They find “good victims” and wait patiently to cultivate a relationship that is built on a false sense of trust and loyalty. A predator will become your child’s best friend, significant other, parent or mentor. They will be whatever the victim needs them to be in order to gain their trust.
What makes a “good victim?”

A “good victim,” in the eyes of a predator, is someone who is seeking attention. When predators see sexy or provocative profile pictures on Facebook, they are drawn to the users because they see them as attention seekers. And remember, predators are very good at giving victims all the attention in the world. Also, kids who are willing to friend just about anyone online are also seen as “good victims,” because, again, they display attention-seeking behavior. Finally, when a user posts status updates about hating his/her parents or school, this gives the predator an opening to connect with the victim.

Is Facebook responsible?
Yes and no. Facebook, in my opinion, has a responsibility to act when lascivious or questionable behavior is brought to their attention. In the past, Facebook has removed known registered sex offenders from the site. The company encourages users to report any type of abuse that occurs within their site. Users can report everything from cyberbullying to potential predators. But the USERS need to know to do this.
Facebook’s warning about dangerous predators is buried deep within the help menu under “Safety.” But it is there. The warning talks about how people can pretend to be anyone they want, and therefore it is in the users’ best interest to proceed with caution when friending strangers.

Increasing age requirements or attempting to block older and younger users is NOT going to solve these types of problems. As of now, Facebook requires that a user be 13 — but I know plenty of 10-year-olds who have accounts (and their parents know about it). The kids just lie, and Facebook has no way of verifying such information (especially if the parents are in on the deception).

That’s where we come in as parents. What is our responsibility?
To be active and involved parents in our children’s online world — the SAME way we are active and involved parents in their physical world. Education is the ONLY option here. Social networking has its pitfalls, but it also has incredible value when used appropriately. Staying connected with friends, marketing a new business, exchanging photos with family members across the world — these are all positive things.

But we need to start talking to our kids about the fact that these communities have the same rules that our personal communities have. Keep personal information private, respect one another and do not involve ourselves with total strangers or invite them into our lives.
———————————————————————————————

Lori Getz
Lori Getz is the founder of Cyber Education Consultants and speaks to students, parents and educators about Internet safety, security and ethics. She has a Master of Arts in Educational Technology from San Diego State University and is certified by isafe.org as an Internet Safety Specialist. Her mission is to help bridge the gap between a young generation of digital natives and their parents and teachers. She is the mother of one and lives in Los Angeles with her husband

New Idea article where Louise Nicholas discusses our 'Safe For Life' seminar and Auckland charity event

2010-06-19T22:49:00.000-07:00

Article in Howick & Pakuranga Times Newspaper on upcoming Auckland charity event

2010-06-16T20:03:00.001-07:00

Article in Ponsonby News on upcoming Auckland charity event

2010-06-16T19:56:00.000-07:00

Child sexual predators 'sick'?

2010-05-26T20:20:00.000-07:00

Below is part of a Facebook conversation between Richard Dimitri (founder of Senshido), Ryan Sainsbury (senior Protect student), Craig Walsh (briefly - Senshido affiliate UK) and myself. I thought I would copy it here as I think it raises some interesting points of view around child sexual predators...

Richard Dimitri - Senshido International: "Despite Facebook's attempts to safeguard its users from sexual predators, tens of thousands of registered sex offenders have been able to slip through the cracks in security. Those with CHILDREN please, make certain you set your privacy settings accodingly especially when it comes to your children's profiles and pictures shared."

Craig Welsh
"dirty bastards.."

Richard Dimitri
"Most yes, some are actually sick, realize, feel horrible for what they do, how they feel and even ask to be medically impaired from it or incarcerated. Nothing is ever cut and dry or black and white brother... the human being is much to complex a creature to be categorized under any label our intellectual mind can come with."

Phil Thompson
"Sorry Bro, I'm with Craig. Regardless of the human condition, to label all child sex offenders as 'sick' is a way that people can pigeon-hole the issue and use that as an excuse for the truth, and that is what most people do (not what you were doing I know, you said 'some'). And the truth is that they are cruel and in many instances, evil. 'Sometimes' they are 'sick', that is, they have a mental illness. 'Some' do ask for help, and good for them. Most are not sick and most do not ask for help. And the majority of the time, outside of their sexual practices they appear as normal as everyone else. 'Some' of them have a sexual attraction to kids, the vast majority are attracted to the power, manipulation, dominance and control that they can act out on the 'easiest' of targets, young kids.
It is wrong in every context, damaging in ways most people cannot even begin to comprehend, and absolutely needs to be called what it is: Cruel, horrific, and evil. Stage 1 of any problem we need to fix: Accept it and label it correctly...
My two Kiwi cents... Love ya fella"

Richard Dimitri
"I fully agree bro... no argument there at all, most are indeed sociopathic, however, there are some that are clinically and medically 'sick' and realize it and also abhor what they are... and even though they appear to normally function in everyday society doesn't take away the fact that a small percentage do actually have a mental condition, much like some drug addicts that manage to hide their addictions for years to both their friends and families as well as social networks. I'm not saying the law should ease up, I'm just saying that on a humane level, to simply throw a blanket statement isn't fair to the minority and is to a certain degree, a judgement... that's all :`)"

Phil Thompson
"Yeah, I understand bro. I have such conflicting emotions around this. On one hand I know that when we judge someone we don't define them, we just define ourselves as someone who needs to judge. I get that and I work hard on it every day, you constantly inspire me towards that. On the other hand where is the line drawn? I think our judgements are necessary to form our opinions, which are often ego fuelled I know, but sometimes necessary. I mean without them we would condone every act of violence and cruelty in the world and simply accept it as 'it is what it is'. I think my personal direction on this is that I will aim not to judge anyone as best I can for the way they act, how they live their lives, who they are etc until such time as their behaviour adversely affect other people or brings harm to any other person or creature. That is the point where I am happy to make judgements and form strong opinions on someone and take the appropriate action. Otherwise I think tolerance becomes weakness and even denial, which does not serve humanity or the world at all. In the case of child sex offenders, yes I appreciate that some of them are mentally sick. But most are not. It is just an easy lable that most bestow upon predators because it makes it easier to understand and accept. And to look at the issue with empathy or sympathy because the offender 'might' be sick is not giving it the weight it deserves. Personally I will choose to look upon every child sex offender as being cruel and evil. If through the process of law and order (for the countries which actually have it) it is determined that the person is 'mentally sick' then my opinion on the person may change, but my opinion on the crime never will...I think before society starts to worry about whether a child predator has a mental illness before they draw an opinion, society needs to wake up to the fact that we have an enormous problem, accept that these things are happening out there to our kids, silence the voice of denial that goes on for so many, and bring this issue into the mainstream so it can be reduced. Once that is done, then we can start categorising the predators and ensuring their treatment or punishment fits their own circumstances. Right now, we are a long way off..."

Ryan Sainsbury

"Y'all seem to be looking at this somewhat differently from myself, so I'm going to pitch in here.

Personally, I don't care if or why a person is attracted to children. Are they sick in the head? Fine. Do they have an innate sexual preference for children? Okay. Do they have a cruel attraction to power and dominance, and prefer the thought of enacting that upon children? I, for one, would submit that this is merely another form of sickness.

Point is, what leads them to the point of wanting to do these things to children is utterly disinteresting to me. If one of them wants help, for any of these situations, I'm all for giving it to them. If they decide to spend their lives bottling their desires up in a vortex of self-loathing and despair, then that's cool too.

Myself, I see the important distinction as being between 'person who wants to have sex with children' and someone who acts upon those desires. As far as I'm concerned, your ultimate fantasy can revolve around an orgy in the goddamn maternity ward, but the moment you actually touch a child for gratification, that is the point in time that I break out a big heaping bowl of judgment and start ladling it out.

Rich, you made the distinction between people who are clinically 'sick', and those who are sociopathic. I suggest that these are two sides of the same coin. And in the end, it makes very little difference, because both are capable of controlling their actions - the difference from one to another rests not in discerning in which particular way they specifically are fucked in the head, but whether they decided to resist the urge or not.

The sole exception to this is people who are clinically psychotic, and this is so insanely rare (there are very few true psychotics, and most of their blackouts end with people injured and dead, not molested) and difficult to prove that it's hardly worth mentioning. Did a quick search, and could not find a single case where this defence was even argued.

I'm not sure why we're placing such a large emphasis on why they're attracted to children. It seems entirely academic, because in the end the practical result is the same. Ultimately, anyone who wants to have sex with children wants to have sex with children, and the question seems not to be "why do you want to" so much as "did you resist the temptation to do so?"

In the end, that's the only question the child's really going to care about."

Phil Thompson
"Ryan, good points fella. I have the same thoughts on some of what you say and different thoughts on other points you have made. Particularly your point about fantasies.

Fantasies are thoughts and thoughts equal outcomes. The missing piece in the middle is... Action. If a person with child sex fantasies goes their whole life without ever doing anything about them then I agree with you. People will have their own judgements about this but at the end of the day nobody is hurt. But as soon as that person starts to take ACTION against any of their fantasies then there is an escalating problem.

Rich’s original post referred to child predators (in fact registered sex offenders) using Facebook as a means to exploit kids. That is a serious issue. It means that they have taken action against those fantasies. They are no longer harmless. In the same way that child pornography is not harmless. An argument I have heard there is that as long as the person ‘just looks but never touches’ it is harmless. That is not so. For every photo or video of child pornography there is a victim. The innocent child on the tape or in the photo is a traumatised victim and the person viewing it for their own pleasure or to satisfy their fantasy IS guilty of the crime. They have acted upon their fantasy.

That same person who views child pornography, or hunts through Facebook looking for children, left alone with a child and to their own devices would likely abuse that child in some way. Not necessarily in all cases I know, but the probability is high. Therefore the only difference between the fantasy – once any form of action has been taken against it - and the reality is opportunity.

Therefore our responsibility is to work towards removing the opportunity for sexual predators and increasing online security in just one avenue to do that. If all we worry about is “Did you resist the urge or not” and forget the “Why and how do you carry out crimes against kids” then we will always be the ambulance at the bottom of the cliff. The biggest part of our job in this area is prevention. And knowing the ‘enemy’ is important so that we can implement preventative strategies to keep kids safe.

You stated: “Do they have a cruel attraction to power and dominance, and prefer the thought of enacting that upon children? I, for one, would submit that this is merely another form of sickness.” This I do not agree with in this context. My reference to this was in the context of people using ‘he is sick’ as an excuse for his actions. By that logic then every act of murder, cruelty, torture, manipulation, control, emotional or physical aggression is a form of ‘sickness’ and there are no evil people in the world. I don’t believe this is the case. There are some truly evil people out there. There are a hell of a lot more loving, caring, great people, but there are the bad ones too. And my point here is to call it what it is. An act of sexual violence against a child is evil. Regardless of where it came from, the act itself is evil. Now as Rich points out, there are ‘some’ cases where the person has a genuine mental illness and I accept that but once the crime has definitely been committed against the child this is a case where I think ‘guilty until proven innocent’ is relevant when it comes to proving mental illness as an excuse.

Loving the conversation and debate here, awesome."

Ryan Sainsbury

"Hey Phil, you've made some pretty good observations mate.

To be honest, when I wrote that, I'd more or less forgotten about Rich's opening post, and had started focusing on the whole judgment/difference between a 'paedophile' and a 'child molestor' part. In relation to his initial point, could not agree more with him (except perhaps the part about "Facebook's attempts to safeguard its users" - I like Facebook, but their safeguards are pretty pathetic and they really don't have any serious interest in maintaining privacy). Any movement to make children safer from online predators is something I can get behind - have gotten behind - and I've got no argument with you there.

I should have clarified that I do include viewing child pornography in the category of 'acting on those desires', on account of the fact that that pornography has to come from somewhere, and in acquiring it they support and encourage the creation of it.

As for the part about sickness, I think we're both using the same term to mean two different things. I gather that when you say it, you mean 'sick' in the sense of something which renders a person irresponsible for their actions, on account of the concept that they 'can't be held responsible' - as a result of some form of mental health issue wherein they genuinely don't realize that what they're doing is wrong, or literally lack the capacity to stop themselves. Of course, someone who just enjoys inflicting pain does not fall into this category.

When I use the term 'sick', I'm referring more generally to 'someone who has desires that just aren't right'. Be this a desire to have sex with children, or a desire to cause suffering, or a desire to feel power over other human beings - I see them all very much as sides of the same coin. The main difference between our use of the terms seems to be that your usage of 'sick' refers to people whose actions are (for lack of a better term - this doesn't really convey what I'm trying to say, but it's the best I can think of) excused by their affliction. My use is more in line with merely explaining how someone came to have those desires, and isn't in any way mitigating their responsibility. When I say 'sick', I'm only referring to sick desires - not a literal inability to control them. That's something quite else.

To summarize that ridiculously long-winded definition of mine - when I say 'sick', I'm talking about anybody who wants to do terrible things, not somebody who *literally* cannot stop themselves, or lacks comprehension of what they're doing. So, in the context in which you were using the term, I agree wholeheartedly.

"An act of sexual violence against a child is evil."

I think this is the ultimate crux of the discussion, and I don't think anybody's arguing with you. There exist cases where mental illness plays a genuine role, but they are rare and are far more likely to be used as an excuse than they are to be a genuine reality.

...I think I could have summarized my entire statement by saying "ya i agree lol"."

The future wants to be bright...

2010-05-19T22:35:00.000-07:00

Today I spent 3 hours working with an amazing group of young women (and one young man) at an Auckland Senior High School.

The event was sponsored by our (Protect’s) Community Support Program and was arranged and co-ordinated by three year 12 students as part of an assessed project.

It always amazes me when I have the chance to work with people at this age just how keen they are for the information that we provide. The group I had the privilege to work with today were positive, open and receptive, asked relevant, well structured, and direct questions and clearly wanted to help themselves and others with the information from the course.

So often I hear people talking about how the world is such a violent place and only getting worse and how – basically - we are all damned to a future of fear and violence. But I don’t see it that way at all - it is the mission of our organisation to help ensure that is not the case – but where I have hope is in the younger generation that is coming through right now. People like those I worked with today. These are genuinely good and caring people, who are really passionate about making a difference and they are armed with knowledge and technology advances that older generations never were, these people really will make a positive difference in the future, I truly believe that.

Our responsibility (the generations currently running the place) though is to make sure they get that chance. It is to protect them by giving them the relevant life skills – self defence and empowerment skills in our case – to ensure they get through their youth empowered, confident and free from unnecessary worry and fear which they are constantly bombarded with. We need to do everything we can to get them through un-scathed so that they will be in a position to make the required changes.

From what I see at every school and learning institution that I work with is that these young people do want to “be the change that they want to see in the world”. The most common response I get after a course (today included) is students asking how they can help by spreading the information. They want to help. They want to make the world better. Our job is to make sure they have that chance. It is to protect them from the damaging effects caused by bullying, intimidation, sexual assault, general violence and self destructive behaviour often borne from damage to their self-esteem and confidence from experiencing these things. If we can do that, the future is looking a lot brighter.

The alternative is to buy into the myth of powerlessness. To keep avoiding the problem, passing it over and not standing up and taking responsibility and accepting that we CAN change things right now. We have the information. We have the resources to do this. All that is needed is the will and the understanding of the true benefits of this information.

Apathy and denial are the enemy of improvement and positive evolution of thought and results, yet they are prevalent attitudes around this subject. We as a society have a problem called violence. It takes on many forms. And it will never fully go away. But we have the information right now that we can deliver to our kids and young adults which can help them tremendously – skills to protect themselves physically where needed, to diffuse and de-escalate violent situations, resolve conflict at its earliest point, increase confidence, build empowerment, deal with their strong emotions and ego related behaviours - and it is mostly being kept out of their hands. This needs to change. These people should not only have access to this information when a few pro-active and responsible students or teachers organise a class, it should be available to them all.

Now before I receive emails telling me that I have a utopian view on this and that I should visit a school in “my hard area” and see what "they are like there", I have worked with schools in every type of area, of every decile rating including schools for the behaviourally challenged. I know there are some bad apples out there. Of course there are. The vast majority of our young people are really, really good people. The few who are not can be very, very bad. I have met many of these people and there is no point glossing over it or tiptoeing around it, some of them are real bad news. But they are the vast minority, not the majority as we are often led to believe. Part of what we do is give young people – the ‘good ones’ who want to be helped – the skills to keep themselves empowered and safe from harm. There will always be violence is our society. There always has been and there always will be, it is inherent in our species, but it is important to keep it in perspective, it is still the minority and we have to keep focusing on reducing it wherever possible and giving our next generations the skills to deal with it so they can move ahead in life.

As I mentioned to the team I worked with today, I truly believe that if our education was compulsory in every high school and college in the country violence in future generations would be massively reduced and some forms of it almost eliminated. This needs to happen and it is something that we will continue to work towards.

I am grateful to the students I worked with today. Every time I teach I learn something and meeting these people today strengthened my belief that our society’s future is going to be in good shape. We just need to help get them there...

Part 2: Assault on 4 year old boy for wearing 'gang colours'!

2010-05-12T17:14:00.000-07:00

Well, my last post has resulted in a few interesting emails and I really wanted to touch on one more point that one of our senior students, Brendan, bought up.

Several people’s responses have questioned the actions of the boy’s father. What did he do about the situation? Why didn’t he “beat the s**t out of him” was one comment.

There are so many angles to this that this would be a never-ending blog topic if I even tried to go into them all. As we have always said, and the principle that our entire training structure is built upon, is there is no ‘black-and-white’ answer to violence or to self defence. None of us could ever say what we ‘would have done’ - and therefore what anyone else ‘should have done’ – in any situation unless we were actually there.

Perhaps the whole event was over before the boy’s father was even aware of it, and when he was made aware of it maybe his focus was on taking care of his child rather than taking the law into his own hands.

Maybe he was considering the future safety of his son, himself and his family. It’s so easy for armchair critics to say that he should have ‘bashed the guy’, but what about the fact that this is a gang member, in a gang run area, where the father has to live with his family. Do these people really believe that there would be no retaliation against him and potentially his family if he had decided to respond physically? Get into the real world people. I have no idea what the boy’s father’s options were as I only know what has been reported, but if he did have the option to confront the offender - after the event was already over and his boy was now safe and in need of support – and chose not to and to instead take care of his boy then I have absolute respect for his decision. That to me is perfect ‘self defence’.

This is not the Wild West, it is not about ‘defending your honour’ or appearing ‘yellow’, it is about making rational decisions which will ensure your safety and well being. Based on my understanding of the event, that is what the boy’s father did and it is not always easy to do in high pressure situations.

A common opinion seems to be that the boy’s dad should have physically assaulted the offender. Did he deserve it? You know the answer to that. But would it have been right to do it at this point? Would it have been right to lower himself to the same level as the criminal? What would that have solved? Would it really have ‘taught him a lesson’? Of course not. These guys live their lives around violence, if you think that would have deterred him from committing other acts of violence in the future you are very mistaken, if anything it would only strengthen the violent tendencies.

Let’s look at a few potential outcomes if he had decided to confront the offender. Let’s keep in mind that the event was already over and his son was safe at the point when he had to make this decision. It would have been a different story if he was there right in the middle of it and needed to protect his son as he would not have known where the situation could have escalated to, in which case an intervention would have likely been required and justified, but that is not the case here. The event was over, nothing could change the fact that it had happened and now a decision needed to be made as to what action to take and he chose to take care of his frightened son.

What if, instead of receiving the urgently needed support and caring of his dad while he was frightened and upset, the 4 year old boy (an age where children are HIGHLY influenced by violent imagery and events) was left alone while his dad confronted his attacker. The little boy is now even more afraid, afraid that he is alone, afraid for his dad, afraid of what is unfolding right before his eyes, and every second that goes by is affecting him more and more.

And then we look at two of the possible outcomes of the situation; The first is that the dad – who some people seem to assume should be a mix of the talents of David Tua, Bruce Lee, and John Rambo rather than a normal everyday dad who probably would rather not confront a violent gang member at risk of his safety and the safety of his family – is hurt in front of his child. Even if we sideline the impact on Dad himself and just look at the impact on the little boy, after what he has just been through himself he now gets to watch his dad beaten, or stabbed, or having his head stomped on, when the other option was to simply let it go and let the law deal with it.

The second option is that dad did ‘give the guy the bash’. All other factors aside such as the legal repercussions, retaliation against him and his family, emotional and/or physical trauma, let’s just look at what dad has just taught his little boy. Violent visual imagery influences and affects all children and the younger they are the more susceptible they are to it. Witnessing an actual event is many times greater than witnessing it on TV or other media, but witnessing it done by your role model and a person who is responsible for moulding your values and beliefs is going to be disastrous and maybe even irreversible. Dad would have just shown his son that violence is ok. That letting raw emotion guide your decisions - consequences be damned - is the way to go.

And the consequences of that little boy growing up with those beliefs? Well, you already know what they are and where they could lead.

Gaining control of our own natural (and normal) responses to fear and anger, under extreme stress situations is one of the most important aspects to self defence and in my opinion - based on my understanding of how the situation unfolded - the boy’s dad did that and should be praised for his actions not criticised for them.

Assault on 4 year old boy for wearing 'gang colours'!

2010-05-12T15:47:00.000-07:00

Yesterday a 4 year old boy was playing in a park in Whakatane when a male approached him while his father’s back was turned, poked him in the chest, yelled at him and threatened him to remove the red shirt he was innocently wearing. The man then forcibly removed the shirt before his father could intervene.
The male was wearing gang colours associated with the Black Power gang, known to run the area.

This act is obviously despicable beyond words and I have decided not to make this blog about the act itself, or the scared and traumatised 4 year old boy or his family, or gang intimidation, or governmental policy regarding these issues, although they would all be valid and multi-dimensional topics.

The response from the Black Power gang today is that they will find the guy and ‘give him a good clouting’ which the public seem to be supporting; violence begetting more violence and the cycle continues. The media are widely reporting this angle (of course) and several people I have spoken to have thought it great that the gang is going to take care of the situation. I mean, give me a break!

Is this the point we have come to? A society where the immediate reaction to this situation is to support and condone a violent backlash from other criminals to solve a crime? Criminals policing criminals - great idea that is - let’s put our faith in the morals and ethics of criminal gang members to sort out these issues. I asked two of the people who supported this action by the gangs why they didn’t support letting the police and justice system sort it out. Both of them just laughed.

But what is the message we are sending behind this? I mean don’t get me wrong here; this cowardly and despicable act makes me sick. I want to see the offender punished for his crime too. But what is the message we send as a society when we support a violent response by criminals as the means to solve a problem like this? That the only way to beat violence is with more violence? That we should put the responsibility for justice into the hands of other criminals? Let’s just throw more fire on the fire and not expect it to get hotter? Look at the bigger message, it is a vicious self perpetuating cycle and if we buy into it we become part of the problem. Interesting too that half of the people who support this violence-to-solve-violence response would be the first to scream the roof down if you were to mention capital punishment for murderers, or castration for rapists (I am not endorsing support for either here BTW). So where does the line get drawn?

It is totally normal to feel anger over this crime. It is normal to feel empathy for the child and his family, and for the community as a whole. It is normal to want to see justice bought to the offender. What matters though is which form of justice we decide to support. If we lower ourselves to their level and adopt a “if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em” (can’t beat violence, so might as well use it) attitude, we are lost, and this guy’s crime will seem like a picnic compared to what our kids will have to face in the future.

One person made the comment to me this morning; “I’m all for zero tolerance policy to violence, I hope the gang find him and knock his teeth out to teach him a lesson”. Do you see what I mean?

Anyway, as always this is just food for thought, if you’re not hungry, don’t eat.

Keeping our kids safe...

2010-05-03T16:07:00.000-07:00

Every parent is concerned about the safety of their children. In a society where 1 in 4 girls, and 1 in 8 boys will be sexually assaulted before the age of 16 it is worth getting some education around how to keep them safe.
Yesterday I had a discussion with a parent who asked me what 'moves' (referring to physical self defence) were the best to teach his two young children. I told him they were the least important aspect of personal safety for kids (albeit still important) and asked him if he was teaching them what to look out for so they could identify and avoid potential predators to start with. His reply was along the lines of "No, I just want to teach them what to do if a stranger grabs them. I tell them to stay away from strangers and all that of course".
This is the all-too-common type of response I hear from parents, and was one of the key reasons we developed our 'Guardian Angel' program, so let me challenge a couple of old beliefs here. Obviously this is a broad subject so I will just discuss a couple of key points here today.

The world is changing so rapidly with new technology, new laws and new societal forces that it is a constant challenge for parents and caregivers to teach their children to stay safe from harm.

Our efforts as a society to prevent crimes against children have not been able to keep up with the increasing levels of risk and vulnerability of our children.
The age old mantra of “Stranger Danger” which has become so ingrained in our psyches as the answer to teaching children to be safe is outdated and no longer relevant on its own. We need to move ahead with the times and adapt to the changing world around us if we are to best protect our kids.

So many crimes against children are preventable. In hindsight, so many parent’s of child victims look back and say “If only she’d known what to look for…”, “If only he hadn’t gone with him…”, “If only she’d talked to us about this, we could have caught it before it got out of hand…” etc, etc…

Prevention is about education. And the education must be specific and relevant to our New Zealand society today.

One of the most important aspects to child safety is open and honest communication between yourself and your child. Children who do not feel that they are listened to or understood at home are far more vulnerable to the exploitation of child predators. Remember, the predator is always looking for perceived ‘easy prey’. Low self confidence, low self esteem, low self beliefs, and a feeling of loneliness and isolation are all perfect tools for the child predator to use to their advantage.
This is also why we are such big advocates of martial arts for children. A good martial art instils confidence and positive self-beliefs in the child, automatically making them a “harder target”.

A home environment which makes your child feel confident and comfortable to discuss any matters, including sensitive ones, without fear of judgment or embarrassment is the first step, and one of the most powerful steps, in keeping your child safe.
The sad reality is children are too often afraid, embarrassed or confused to discuss or report their fears, situations and experiences.

As more and more crimes against children are reported by the media, and talked about in our social circles, we are in danger of building a paranoia around keeping our kids safe. This is not the answer either. There is a huge difference between paranoia and awareness. Living in paranoia is no way to live life, and can make us take things to extremes forcing an already rebellious teenager for example, to do just the opposite of what we want.

Awareness is about discussing openly the safety strategies and rules in a positive and reassuring way, as opposed to instilling fear into your child about all of the nasty things that could happen to them if they don’t follow the safety rules.
Kids need to be empowered with positive messages and safety skills that will build their self esteem and self confidence while helping to keep them safer. Kids don’t need to be told the world is a scary place. They watch the news, hear adults talking, and may even experience violence firsthand so they are well aware of that already. Rather, they need to know that their parent or caregiver is there for them if they are in trouble and have it reinforced that most adults they encounter in their lives are generally good people who would not hurt a child.

Part of the process of ensuring that home is always a ‘safe haven’ for your child in addition to open communication, is to absolutely ensure that if you impose a punishment upon your child for misbehaviour, that punishment should never place your child in danger in any way.
We recently read a case file of a young girl who went out for a night with her friends, and arrived home after her curfew time. As this was not the first time she had done it, her mother decided to teach her a lesson and lock her out of the house. Too afraid of her mother’s wrath to knock on the door, she headed for a friend's house. A man approached her, manipulated her into conversation with him, 'sympathetically' listened to her situation and in doing so gained her trust…
He then abducted her, repeatedly raped, and murdered her.
The actions of her mother, fed up and looking to send a clear message to her daughter by denying her the safety and refuge of her own home, indirectly resulted in her death. A punishment should never place a child in danger.

So what about “Stranger Danger”? We’ve all grown up with it. We’ve all been told to “Stay away from strangers”. And this message/concept may have served us well, but it is now redundant and needs updating urgently.
This is a big call.
The unfortunate reality is most cases of child abduction/exploitation (well over 80%)are committed by someone known to the child, and maybe not known to the parent. The offender does not fit the “Stranger” role so therefore the child’s awareness/guard is down.
Often a child predator will make seemingly innocent contact with the child. They use subtle tactics and manipulation to gain the confidence of their victim, befriend them and lower their guard, again removing the “Stranger” label.
It is important that children and parents understand the types of situations, tactics, and approaches used by these people.

It is far more important to teach children to be aware of certain types of situations than certain types of people. That is the concept at the core of 'Guardian Angel'.

When describing the “Stranger Danger” concept to children, parents often promote visions of “dodgy”, “sleazy”, “dirty” looking men. This typecast labelling is very dangerous. Many times the predator does not fit any of these profiles. They are the everyday “normal” looking person, the neighbour, the teacher, the friend’s parent. Typecasting dangerous people promotes a narrow view and leaves the child open to all of the unexpected possibilities. It is the situation or action that the child should be aware of, regardless of who the person is. Besides, as adults we have the benefit of experience and honed decision making skills that we have acquired over our lifetime to identify dangerous people, and we still often get it wrong. So how do we expect our kids to be able to identify “bad” people when we can’t even do it?

Also keep in mind that if your child needs help, the “never talk to strangers” message in isolation effectively eliminates a key source of help for your child if they are in trouble. They just need to know who to get help from if they need it.
Parents and children need to know what the common approaches of a child predator are. For example, an adult pulling over their car to ask the child for help with directions, lost puppy, etc. Adults should not have to ask kids for help. Kids can ask kids for help. Adults should ask adults for help.

As our children are bought up to be polite, to respect their elders and obey the orders of adults, it is important to let them know that in these situations it is ok to say “no” to an adult. Their personal safety is always more important than being polite.

All common situations, setups, manipulations should be discussed with your child in a positive, clear, calm and reassuring way. This is far more important and effective than teaching them to look out for a particular image or profile of a “Stranger”.
Kids should view safety strategies as positive, and even fun (in a serious way). They don’t need to be frightened into thinking the world is a big scary place full of people who want to hurt them, they get enough of that from the media every day. They need to know that they have you there whenever they need you, and that most adults they encounter are good people, the safety rules are there just in case…

Here are a few things you can do to help prevent possible exploitation or abduction situations:

- Teach your children to recognise potentially dangerous situations and teach them that it is ok to say “no” to an adult.

- There really is more safety in numbers. Teach your child to always go places with a friend if possible. This is a major, key point.

- Teach them to know the difference between “good touches” and “Bad touches”. Any touch in a place where a bathing suit would normally cover is a bad touch, as are any which make them feel frightened, confused, uneasy, uncomfortable or “funny”. They should know it is ok to say no and to tell you immediately if someone does try to touch them in this way.

- Checking first with you before going anywhere, or doing anything new should be promoted as a healthy and positive part of your household routine with your child. This is a major point and can not be emphasized enough. The way you promote this concept to your child to ensure they “buy in” to it is vital, they need to see that it is always in their best interests and they have your full support.

- Know your child’s friends, and their parents, and have up-to-date contact lists for them all. Knowing where your children are and who they are with is important. Through open communication this can be done without seeming “controlling” or “invasive”.

- Be aware of anyone who is giving inappropriate or expensive gifts to your child, or paying them an unusual amount of attention.

- Pay attention to changes in your child’s behaviour and be prepared to sit down and discuss what the issues are with them when they occur. These are often a call for help and should be treated sensitively but seriously.

- Be empathetic and supportive to your child’s worries and fears, listen to them carefully and help guide them to find a solution together.

- Teach your children to trust their intuition and feelings and let them know that if it feels wrong it definitely is and they have the right to say no.

- Be diligent of anyone who is in a position of care for your child. Babysitters, sports coaches, tutors etc. References from people you trust are a great place to start. Be extra diligent if the situation requires that your child be left alone with the individual in privacy.

Obviously I have only covered a few of the key points on child safety in this article. There is a lot more to it, but these points are a good start and something worth thinking about.

What most people don't see...

2010-04-28T15:02:00.000-07:00

I consider myself a very fortunate person. I have a job that I love which positively influences people’s lives and every day I get to meet amazing people at seminars and courses throughout the country.

Additionally, every week Athena and I get to train with a cool bunch of people who share the same ideals, are positive, non-judgemental and supportive, (and definitely a little wacky) at our group class in Auckland. We get to share stories, discussions, and a lot of laughs while we train.

The other night one of our team members was telling us about an event that had happened to him that same day. To most people it would have sounded inconsequential, but to us it was brilliant.

He shared how he had been driving his car and someone cut him off and pulled in front of him. He said he had almost been hit so got a “hell of a fright”. This was the first point to his story. He said that a year ago (before he started training) if someone had done that to him he would have been sitting on the horn with one hand and giving the bird with the other while yelling abuse at the person (daily occurrence on our roads). Instead, he realised he was safe and instead of hurling abuse at the person he just shrugged his shoulders and said and did nothing (except some tactical breathing). The driver of the other car, knowing he had done wrong and looking to now save face ensured that as they approached the traffic lights positioned himself in the lane next to him and wound down his window and said something along the lines of “what the F*** is your problem?!”. This was his second point, instead of letting his ego take charge and reacting with aggression, he calmly and in a firm but friendly tone said “Nothing, I was just wondering why you would do that, that’s all.” The polar opposite of what the other guy expected of course. His response? He nodded his head in acknowledgement and wound up his window without saying anything. He was left in a position where he could ‘save face’ while at the same time having no further reason to escalate it further. Perfect diffusion and exactly what we train for.

Like I said, to anyone else that may seem like nothing special, but what it displays is a person who has taken control of their ego, their reactionary emotions and who has trained himself to stay calmer and in control of an unexpected and uncomfortable situation (unfortunately, given the amount of road rage on our roads every day, most people do not have these skills).

And THAT, to us, is real self defence in action. Brilliant.

Hindsight: 20/20

2010-04-26T20:07:00.000-07:00

A little while ago a few of our members and I were having a discussion about some of the recent salient violent events occurring around New Zealand. We watch these events closely as they give great insight into current trends and behavioural psychology as it relates to violence. The discussion found its way to the topic of Mr Singh, the Manurewa liquor store owner murdered in 2008 as part of an Armed Holdup. I was asked by a martial artist who was attending our group class what I would have done if I were the person in the liquor store. In other words, if I was Mr Singh.

My reply to him was along the lines of; "Well he was shot in the chest at close range so I probably would have died. Why do you ask?" This was clearly not the response he expected and he immediately retorted with "well, that's a great attitude from a self defence teacher!"

I asked him why he felt that way and he went on to explain how his (martial arts) instructor had told the class exactly what he would have done in the situation to not only not get shot, but to physically harm the three robbers, one of whom was armed with a gun (which incidentally involved jumping the counter in front of the gunman and kicking him in the throat etc *Sigh*). I find this attitude incredible. Actually, I find it blatantly ignorant.

No-one can say how they absolutely would react in that situation. We can theorise about it, but there is no way we can say with certainty what we "would" have done. There is never any black and white answer to violence. Ever.

It reminded me of what Rich Dimitri told me about a magazine which called him up after 9/11 to ask him what he would have done if he had been on the plane when the highjackers took it over. Several other self defence 'experts' had told the magazine how they would have dealt to the highjackers and resumed control of the plane saving the day, whereas Rich's reply was "I would have died of course". His reply was not published.

Certainly there is merit in analysing the situation and what occurred retrospectively to help create 'mental blueprints' and provide greater understanding of how these situations unfold and occur, and also to adapt our training to suit and give greater chance of adapting to the specific scenario, but we will never 'fully' bridge the gap between how we think it may happen and how it really happens, unless...It really happens. There are always too many variables which could occur to try to "run a script". But if your self defence training is reality based it will prepare you as much as possible for this type of event. The 'stress inoculation' training that is a core concept of what we teach at Protect helps you to prepare and to make decisions under pressure which best serve you.

I don't know exactly how the events unfolded in the liquor store, and whether any previous training for this type of situation could have helped Mr Singh, I would like to hope it may have, but one thing I know is that he did the best with the knowledge and preparation that he had and in the end he tragically had his life taken from him and his loved ones.

All we can aim to do with our self defence training is gain as much knowledge and preparation against real world violence as we can so that if the worst happens we are as prepared as possible. Still, we will never be 100% prepared but 90% is better than not prepared at all. If the worst should happen you only have a small gap to bridge and will be far more able to adapt under pressure.

Self defence is not about flashy Hollywood moves and being a hero, it is about staying safe and getting home to your loved ones. That's all. And effective self defence training should reflect that.

Awesome Auckland Charity Event Announced! Women's Personal Safety Seminar!

2010-04-25T19:07:00.000-07:00

Hi Everyone,

We have an awesome opportunity for you to learn some great skills and support a great charity at the same time!

As a part of Protect's Community Support Program we regularly run valuable events in support of worthwhile charities and causes.

Below are details of our next Auckland event. It will be an excellent evening event packed with lots of valuable information. We need your help to spread the word please. All of the profits go to RPE and we want to really make this great for them with your help!

So what can you do? Firstly, if you are a woman, register and come along. Secondly, tell everyone you know and get them along too. It is only $25 and will be very worthwhile. To register just go to the Calendar page on our website.

The seminar is raising money for Rape Prevention Education Auckland (Formerly Rape Crisis Auckland) to support them in the excellent work they do. Visit the RPE website at www.rapecrisis.org.nz for more information on RPE.

MC'd by 'Dancing With The Stars' celebrity Aaron Gilmore and supported by RPE advocate Louise Nicholas this event will provide women with important information about keeping themselves safe against violence.

Designed by Protect Self Defence's co-founders Athena and Phil Thompson this 2.25 hour information seminar will cover vital information for women including:

- Dispelling many common (and often dangerous) myths around self defence and personal safety for women

- How to identify the common manipulation strategies males (with often sinister intent) used against females (this is very important information!)

- Focusing on empowerment and eliminating paranoia and un-neccessary worry by knowing what to look out for

- The important stages of real self defence

- The psychology of an attacker and how they choose their targets. Knowing this lets you become a 'hard target'

- The biggest lie of them all that most women in NZ have been told, the truth behind it, and how knowing it can create a safer life for you and your family

- And a whole lot more!

Please note this is an information event, there is no physical component or participation required from attendees, just sit back and enjoy the information.

This seminar is exclusive to women. Because of some of the content the minimum age is 16 years unless accompanied by an adult parent or caregiver in which case the minimum age is 14 years.

$25 for this event is incredible value and you are supporting a fantastic organisation (RPE) in addition to the great information you will receive. Numbers for this event are limited so please book quickly.

Thank you for your awesome support, I look forward to seeing you (and all of your friends) there!

Phil

To go, or to go off!...

2010-04-22T17:55:00.000-07:00

The following article was written by Mr Drew Guest of Bushi Dojos Self Protecton (Australia) and is reproduced here with his kind permission.

Fear and the fight or flight response...
Time seems to slow down and it seems you are looking through another's eyes. You can't think properly and repeat, "this isn't happening" or similar over and over in your mind. Your pupils dilate and your field of vision narrows; your hearing becomes more focussed on your immediate surroundings. You can clearly hear and feel the throb of your pulse in your head as your heart rate, the force of your hearts contraction, and blood pressure increase. After an initial intake of air, your breathing becomes shallower, but more efficient. Your legs are so primed for action that they begin to shake with anticipation. Your face and hands feel clammy from the sweat even though it's a cool night. You feel nauseous because your stomach wants to empty itself. Your bladder and bowel wants to evacuate their contents. This is what it means to "have the crap scared out of you" ... this is fight or flight.

The above is an account of some of the sensations you may experience when the fight or flight response is triggered. It could be due to the threat of violence such as a mugging or an attack, or it could be because you are about to give a talk in front of a large audience. In fact it can be triggered by any physical or emotional stress, especially when fear is involved, but not limited to it.

Fight or Flight Defined
The fight-or-flight response, also called the acute stress response, was first described by Walter Cannon in 1915, in his printed work "Bodily Changes in Pain, Hunger, Fear and Rage: An Account of Recent Researches into the Function of Emotional Excitement". His theory states that animals react to threats with a general discharge of the sympathetic nervous system, priming the animal for fighting or fleeing. This response was later recognised as the first stage of a general adaptation syndrome that regulates stress responses among vertebrates and other organisms.

The Stimulus
Lets take a closer look at what actually goes on when in fight or flight. We'll look at what happens, how it happens and why it happens.

The first part of the equation is the stimulus - the trigger that sets the entire process off in the first place. For a stimulus to trigger the fight or flight response it must be perceived as stress inducing or introduced suddenly and unexpected. Stress can be physical, such as with intense exercise, or mental/emotional such as fear. The stimulus that produce an initial fight or flight reaction can generally be categorised into "E situations" such as Exercise, Emergency, Excitement and Embarrassment.

The Trigger
Our senses detect the stimulus, though sometimes our imagination creates it, specialised areas of the brain then process it and determine it to be stressful enough to respond with fight or flight. Recent research suggests that reaction to a stimulus may occur in two stages. The first is a quick response based on an initial reaction to the stimulus. This involves a circuit running from the thalamus to the amygdala and leads to an immediate response. The second path travels from the thalamus to the cortex and then to the amygdala, this circuit allows a more cognitive appraisal of the stimulus based on stored knowledge and goals. The second pathway is longer and thus takes more time, this could result in a secondary response, which could either, support the initial reaction (of the first circuit) or stop it. Both pathways end up traveling to the Hypothalamus via the amygdala.

Impulses from the Hypothalamus stimulate sympathetic preganglionic neurons, which release acetylcholine (Ach), which in turn stimulate the cells of the adrenal medulla to secrete epinephrine and norepinephrine. Yep that went over my head too, all these long scientific words are simply names, don't get too caught up with them, it's their role that we are primarily concerned with. Basically the Hypothalamus is a cone shaped part of the brain ending in the pituitary gland. Its main role is to maintain the body's status quo; it keeps the body in a stable state of equilibrium. It regulates the balance between the parasympathetic and the sympathetic division of the Automatic Nervous System (ANS). It is the sympathetic side of the ANS that deals with the fight and flight functions. It is via the parasympathetic division that unconscious body functions are regulated, functions such as heartbeat, breathing, body temperature, etc. During the fight or flight process, the Hypothalamus tips the balance of the ANS towards the sympathetic division.

Acetylcholine (ACh) is a neurotransmitter, (in fact the first one ever discovered), that is released via the firing of pregangleonic neurons - these are nerve cells that are located in the brain or spinal cord and are actually part of the central nervous system. The firing of these neurons triggers the automatic or sympathetic ganglion to release the ACh, which then travels along the neuropathways to the adrenal glands.

Enter The Adrenaline Dump
The two adrenal glands are located on top of each kidney. 80 to 90% of each gland is made up of the adrenal cortex, the balance being the centrally located adrenal Medulla. It is the adrenal Medulla that is primarily stimulated by the ACh. This stimulation releases the hormones epinephrine and norepinephrine (aka adrenaline and noradrenaline). This is the infamous adrenaline dump. The adrenal cortex also secretes hormones called Glucocorticoids (mainly cortisol) that influence glucose metabolism, have anti-inflammatory effects and depress the immune system. There are many more chemicals and hormones involved in the process, but it's not necessary to list them all here, they all contribute to the process either directly or indirectly.

The Effects
Activation of the sympathetic division and release of hormones by the adrenal medullae set in motion a series of physiological responses that are collectively referred to as the fight or flight response. They include:
* The pupils of the eyes dilate.
* Heart rate, force of heart contraction, and blood pressure increase.
* The Airways dilate, allowing faster movement of air into and out of the lungs.
* Inhibition of tear glands and salivation
* The sweat glands become active
* The blood vessels that supply the kidneys and gastrointestinal tract constrict, which decreases blood flow through these tissues. The result is a slowing of urine formation and digestive activities, which are not essential during exercise or emergency situations.
* Blood vessels that supply organs involved in exercise or fighting of danger-skeletal muscles, cardiac muscle, liver, and adipose tissue-dilate, allowing greater blood flow through these tissues.
* Relaxation of bladder
* The liver increases breakdown of glycogen to glucose and adipose tissue increases breakdown of triglycerides to fatty acids and glycerol, raising blood levels of these molecules for greater ATP production. (ATP is Adenosine triphosphate. It is the main energy currency in living cells; used to transfer the chemical energy needed for metabolic reactions.
* Release of glucose by liver increases blood glucose levels for greater ATP production.
* Processes that are not essential for meeting the stressful situation are inhibited. For example, muscular movements of the gastrointestinal tract and digestive secretions slow down or even stop.
* Cognitive thought is reduced to its basic primal state as your brain activity moves away from the outer edges towards the central brain ( also known as reptilian brain , monkey brain or the primal brain)
. (Jenkins, Kemnitz, & Tortora (2007 pp. 532-533))

All this is done to put your body in the best state for action and allow you to most efficiently deal with the threat. Your eyesight and hearing become more focused on the danger. The increase in heart rate and pressure moves more blood to the action muscles and the increase in breathing rate means the blood carries more oxygen to the muscles. Combine this with the higher levels of blood glucose and it's like throwing fuel on the fire, or like a turbo charger for your muscles. Shutting down non-essential systems, such as the digestive and reproductive systems, allows your body to focus all it's resources on overcoming the threat, similar to when the old man used to turn the air conditioner off when driving up a hill. You sweat to help keep your now supercharged body cool. And your hairs may stand up to aid in cooling and also to help you look bigger (we were a lot hairier before we became human).

Fear and Fight or Flight.
It's important to recognise that what you are feeling is not fear; it is simply your body's preparation to respond to a threat or danger. Fear is often associated with the sensations of Flight and Fight, but fear only plays an initial role in the triggering of the response. It actually comes into play beyond the initial stimulus. The stimulus must first be observed before it is interpreted as dangerous, fear acts as a warning mechanism within this interpretation phase. Simply put Fear is our measure of danger and threat. The things that produce the greatest fears in us are the ones that pose the greatest threat. This should not be confused with Phobias, which are irrational fears of specific stimuli, it is still fear but the threat of the stimulus is exaggerated and often it has little "actual" or current threat. Although irrational and exaggerated the response process is still the same.

Fear is often seen as a negative phenomenon, and in the case of phobias it generally is, but really fear is much more of a positive experience. It acts as our built in "stupid prevention mechanism", that is, it stops us doing stupid and dangerous things. When we do over ride this mechanism and do things that are risky, then fear heightens our awareness of the danger and thus enables us to counter that danger. Fear is actually very empowering, the bodies response to fear, the fight and flight response, prepares your body for action, in fact action that is faster and stronger then usual, as mentioned earlier your body is like it is super charged.

The danger is not in the fear itself, but in the refusal to accept that fear. Apathy and denial, "this is not happening" or "why is this happening to me", results in the person being over fixated on the fear itself instead of dealing with the cause of the fear. It results in the freeze syndrome, and is a major cause of failure for martial artists (and non-martial artists) in real violence. It's not the lack of skill or ability that fails us when real world violence presents itself, the street thug isn't better then the martial artist, the martial artist is just not prepared for that level of intensity of fight or flight, they read this as fear and become fixated on it. The fight or flight felt in the dojo or the ring is not nearly as intense as it is when there is a real risk of losing your life.

The thing that causes humans to freeze during the fight and flight response is unfamiliarity and indecision, or more accurately, having too many choices and not being able to choose the best option (or any option). The brain gets stuck in the void of an indecision loop where it hovers between options, unable to go to (or even see) one option because of the "pull" of the other options.

Can you control fight or flight response?
You can't control the actual response as such, once triggered it is automatic. The control comes at the interpretation point of the process. In most cases fear is the determining factor for the intensity of the response, the greater the fear the greater the response. A related factor is the perceived level of threat, the greater the level of threat the greater the fear associated to it. You can't control the response process but you do have a say over the intensity. The key is to control the fear.

You overcome this fear the same way as you would with any fear or phobia; you face it. You become accustomed to it. When you become familiar with the cause of the fear, eventually your fear of it is reduced. Practice makes perfect, practice dealing with fear and you become better at dealing with it. I'm not suggesting you go out and seek street fights or muggings. Instead, utilise adrenal stress familiarisation in your training, see below.

Confidence is one of the main factors in overcoming fear. Your level of confidence in dealing with a threat will influence your perceived fear of that threat. The more confidence you have in successfully handling the danger the less you fear that danger. A simple way of building confidence is via familiarisation. The more exposure you have to a stimulus the more confident you become at facing it. Familiarity brings about confidence through reinforcement. It is important to focus on success in handling the threat and not any failure. It is the continued success or improvement towards success that truly brings confidence and reduces the fear of the stimulus.

Lets look at the some common treatments for phobias, the principles of which can be assimilated into self-protection training. There are, of course, a number of different psychological treatments available for phobias; here we are going to concentrate on exposure therapies as they relate directly to what we have just been talking about. We will use arachnephobia, or the fear of spiders, as an analogy.

Exposure Therapy is a phobia treatment involving the exposure to the phobic stimulus in a safe and controlled setting. One method of exposure treatment is via "Flooding". Flooding is where the person is immersed in the fear reflex until the fear itself fades away. The person is literally flooded with the stimulus, to a point where the subject becomes accustomed to the stimulus and the resulting fear. Many adrenal stress familiarisation drills utilize flooding Senshido's "Emotional Invocation Drill" is a great example and Geoff Thompson's Infamous "Animal Days" involve a great deal of flooding type experiences. Flooding has the downside of being very overwhelming, and highly stressful to the participant.

Similar to flooding but undertaken in a progressive step-by-step fashion is "Systematic Desensitization". Here the subject is exposed to the stimulus in increasing degrees. The treatment for arachnophobia (fear of spiders) frequently involves Systematic Desensitization. Typically the person will be exposed only slightly to the stimulus, they may just look at a photo of a spider. The next step is to look at a plastic spider and then handle the plastic spider. Next they may observe a real but dead spider and then touch the dead spider. Next they will observe a live spider at a distance and behind a class shield and then without the shield and so on until eventually they are able to physically handle a real live spider. This approach can easily be adopted in self-protection training by exposing the student to increasingly "realistic" scenarios including more and more variables, greater contact more aggression and so on. This approach is often used by Martial arts clubs for sparing; lower grades start with no or little contact increasing the level of contact belt by belt or step by step until they are able to properly spar full or near full contact.

The benefits of increasing the level of familiarisation of a fearful stimulus gradually are pretty obvious, but the real benefit of the therapy is derived from the inclusion of "Counter-Conditioning". Here the subject is encouraged to substitute another response for the fear response when exposed to the phobic stimulus. Relaxation is often a substitute as it is incompatible with feeling fearful or anxious. By consciously relaxing and controlling your breathing (deep, controlled breath facilitates relaxation) when exposed to the stimulus you effectively counter the intensity of its fear-induced effect. Fight and flight will probably still be invoked, but because you train yourself to relax the fear is perceived as less stressful and thus the fight and flight response operates at a lower intensity.

It doesn't have to be relaxation that is used as the substitute; you can train yourself to react in any particular way when in the presence of the stimulus.

You could, for example, train yourself to automatically raise your hands, or drive forward etc

Training and the Fight or Flight Response
The RBSD (Reality Based Self Defence) movement has influence many systems, and now there is more pressure testing and adrenal stress training happening across our industry. In my opinion this can only strengthen the ability of martial arts to provide effective self-defence.

Incorporating adrenal stress familiarisation into your current training can greatly improve your ability to defend yourself if the need arises. There are many ways to do this, scenario replication that simulates real life violence, including the yelling, shoving, threats, foul language, in your face posturing and so on is a good way to start. Add some padding for protection or you could even go as far as a full padded assailant suit to allow the "victim" to feel what its like to land full power shots under stress and pressure. The important aspect is to have the participant perform under the effects of fight or flight ideally your aim is to induce an adrenaline dump in the participant.

Becoming familiar with the way your body responds to adrenaline and fight and flight, as well as feeling the limitations and what it's like to perform under it's stress, will go a long way to allowing your martial arts skills to do their job if the need arises.

References:
Jenkins G.W., Kemnitz C.P., &Tortora G.J. (2007p 646-651). Anatomy and Physiology: From science to life. Hoboken NJ: John Wiley & Sons, Inc
Cannon, Walter (1915). Bodily Changes in Pain, Hunger, Fear and Rage: An Account of Recent Researches into the Function of Emotional Excitement, New York: Appleton & Co.
Westen, D., Burton, L., & Kowalski, R. (2006). Psychology: Australian and New Zealand edition. Brisbane: John Wiley.