Self defence is about being able to interpret, understand and protect ourselves from violence.
For too many, violence is used as their medium of communication. Like not being able to speak French we'd struggle in France; not understanding violence means that we'd miss vital pre-incident indicators that are present in all situations that lead to physical violence. Only when we understand violence can we see and comprehend the early warning signs.
You can detect what you have been trained to see. It's about knowing what is about to happen and being able to pre-empt it. Anyone can learn this language. Knowing it doesn't make you more violent. Without knowing how to interpret violence and the pre-cursors of violence, we can't accurately predict intentions of predators, which means that we can't act appropriately to stop it, either with the appropriate verbal or physical response.
So let me give you some insight now. If a predator is trying to change the environment: coerce you to go somewhere, physically drag you somewhere, or establish privacy such as shutting your curtains, these acts provide massive insight into their intentions. What is their intent? To take material items from you or is it to do with your being, such as physical or sexual assault? It's far likely to be the latter. When you can detect intent (prior to the physical violence) would that fuel your response? Of course. A honed response helps, blanket hope counts for nothing. This is just one aspect, but: never ever let the environment change.
Darcy Mellsop
Protect Self Defence NZ
Showing posts with label self defence for women. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self defence for women. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Hello. Remember the first day we met?
This is a post for the ladies. It is not designed as a scare tactic, instead it is designed to inspire thought on many different behavioural aspects of predatory behaviour...
From 'Safe For Life'...
Hello.
Remember the first day we met?
I do. I knew we were meant to be together from the moment I layed eyes on you.
The world has become quite small since we’ve met. By sheer luck we had shared one friend and now I share most of your friends and know quite a few family members too. I know your family secrets, pets, habits and fears. You’ve come to depend on me. I listen to you. I sympathize with you when your heart is broken.
I make you laugh when I see you’re about to cry. You’ve come to depend on me. I do favors for you and soon you will be doing favors for me. You owe me. I spend most of my time thinking of you and seeing to your every need. One day it will be my turn. You better be ready. I haven’t done all this for nothing you know. I could go elsewhere but I’ve chosen you. You were nothing before me and have grown into a better person because of me. But you already know that don’t you?
I see the way you’ve been looking at me lately. You’ve been teasing me with those long looks of yours. I see through your facade of playing hard to get. You want me so bad it almost makes you look cheap the way you throw yourself at my feet. I know your little jealousy game. You’re such a child. You think I don’t see through you. I know you want to make me jealous when you speak with those other men whom you call co-workers and friends. It’s not working. You merely look like a stupid little schoolgirl.
You deserve to be treated as such. You’re a slut. A schoolgirl slut who deserves what she’s gonna get coming to her!
Actions speak louder than words.
Listen to your intuition; it is in direct result to something, which you may or may not be consciously aware of in the moment...
'Every Woman's guide to Being Safe...For Life' available at Whitcoulls or Amazon.com
From 'Safe For Life'...
Hello.
Remember the first day we met?
I do. I knew we were meant to be together from the moment I layed eyes on you.
The world has become quite small since we’ve met. By sheer luck we had shared one friend and now I share most of your friends and know quite a few family members too. I know your family secrets, pets, habits and fears. You’ve come to depend on me. I listen to you. I sympathize with you when your heart is broken.
I make you laugh when I see you’re about to cry. You’ve come to depend on me. I do favors for you and soon you will be doing favors for me. You owe me. I spend most of my time thinking of you and seeing to your every need. One day it will be my turn. You better be ready. I haven’t done all this for nothing you know. I could go elsewhere but I’ve chosen you. You were nothing before me and have grown into a better person because of me. But you already know that don’t you?
I see the way you’ve been looking at me lately. You’ve been teasing me with those long looks of yours. I see through your facade of playing hard to get. You want me so bad it almost makes you look cheap the way you throw yourself at my feet. I know your little jealousy game. You’re such a child. You think I don’t see through you. I know you want to make me jealous when you speak with those other men whom you call co-workers and friends. It’s not working. You merely look like a stupid little schoolgirl.
You deserve to be treated as such. You’re a slut. A schoolgirl slut who deserves what she’s gonna get coming to her!
Actions speak louder than words.
Listen to your intuition; it is in direct result to something, which you may or may not be consciously aware of in the moment...
'Every Woman's guide to Being Safe...For Life' available at Whitcoulls or Amazon.com
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Latest Article from Darcy Mellsop - "Spiders and stuff"
"Spiders and stuff"
If a spider builds a web, and it’s not catching any bugs, the spider basically has two choices: Do nothing and learn to survive on nothing or; rebuild its web in another place.
I was talking with a friend recently, and we were talking about Avoidance and he put it to me that Avoidance is pretty common sense really, just don’t do stuff like walk down dark alleys. But is it really that simple? I mean, we know this already, and most act on this advice, but there is still a heck of a lot of violence about, so what’s going on?
If you are the bad guy waiting in the dark alley, and you are getting bored waiting as everyone is heeding the advice not to venture there, are you going to remain there or go hunting? And if you are hunting in a different environment, such as bars, clubs and streets – generally where people
are, would you use the same strategies as you would have used in the colloquial dark alley, or do the strategies change and adapt to the environment?
We know that they change. Yes, we can change the balance of probability of being in locations safer than others, but predators do roam and scope. Predators have many skills, which they train and honed, especially verbal skills such as the manipulation strategies I’ve exposed in previous columns.
Understand this, predators aren’t all around us, generally good people are - but predators are everywhere. Scoping and evaluating. Good Avoidance stems from acknowledging this.
If a spider builds a web, and it’s not catching any bugs, the spider basically has two choices: Do nothing and learn to survive on nothing or; rebuild its web in another place.
I was talking with a friend recently, and we were talking about Avoidance and he put it to me that Avoidance is pretty common sense really, just don’t do stuff like walk down dark alleys. But is it really that simple? I mean, we know this already, and most act on this advice, but there is still a heck of a lot of violence about, so what’s going on?
If you are the bad guy waiting in the dark alley, and you are getting bored waiting as everyone is heeding the advice not to venture there, are you going to remain there or go hunting? And if you are hunting in a different environment, such as bars, clubs and streets – generally where people
are, would you use the same strategies as you would have used in the colloquial dark alley, or do the strategies change and adapt to the environment?
We know that they change. Yes, we can change the balance of probability of being in locations safer than others, but predators do roam and scope. Predators have many skills, which they train and honed, especially verbal skills such as the manipulation strategies I’ve exposed in previous columns.
Understand this, predators aren’t all around us, generally good people are - but predators are everywhere. Scoping and evaluating. Good Avoidance stems from acknowledging this.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Who are you? - Brilliant campaign!
This campaign is AWESOME! I love it to bits! Folks, this is worth checking out, sharing, and supporting. Just the video on the front page is highly valuable (8 minutes of your life to watch it, good investment)! Protect stand right behind this campaign, brilliant.
http://www.whoareyou.co.nz/
We had a perfect example of this shared with us at training last night by two of our Auckland group class members (husband and wife).
They were at a campground with a large group for the weekend. They observed concerning behaviour (based on what they have trained to look for) by a male who was using behavioural manipulation strategies on a female (friend of a friend). He was 'feeding her' alcohol and using many of the survival signs that we teach to look out for. This went un-noticed by all of the others, simply because they were not trained to see it.
When he went for the final move, which was to move her to an isolated space (in this case the beach) where he had privacy and control, our team (who had been watching her and him like a hawk) intervened and prevented what was absolutely going to become a very bad situation.
Brilliant work on their behalf and she thanked them the next day. I am very proud of what they did, they saved someone from a lot of hurt. They thanked US at class for teaching them what to look out for, but it is THEM who should be thanked for taking action. But no-one else saw it...
This campaign is a step in the right direction to changing that folks. Please share it.
http://www.whoareyou.co.nz/
We had a perfect example of this shared with us at training last night by two of our Auckland group class members (husband and wife).
They were at a campground with a large group for the weekend. They observed concerning behaviour (based on what they have trained to look for) by a male who was using behavioural manipulation strategies on a female (friend of a friend). He was 'feeding her' alcohol and using many of the survival signs that we teach to look out for. This went un-noticed by all of the others, simply because they were not trained to see it.
When he went for the final move, which was to move her to an isolated space (in this case the beach) where he had privacy and control, our team (who had been watching her and him like a hawk) intervened and prevented what was absolutely going to become a very bad situation.
Brilliant work on their behalf and she thanked them the next day. I am very proud of what they did, they saved someone from a lot of hurt. They thanked US at class for teaching them what to look out for, but it is THEM who should be thanked for taking action. But no-one else saw it...
This campaign is a step in the right direction to changing that folks. Please share it.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Latest Column from Darcy Mellsop
Since my last column, I’ve read about further attacks. One victim being a young lady
putting out the rubbish late at night in Newtown, Wellington. She commented "...If anything it's a warning to young girls: Don't go out alone in the dark at all."
We all know that the rules change when night comes. Things are different, and with the darkness, there is a natural fear that goes with it. Of course, I’m not going to argue for a moment that this fear is misplaced – for it is not. I, as we all do, know that it is not misplaced.
But let me ask, do we live in more fear than we should? And if so, what can we do about this? Obviously simply thinking “I won’t fear it any more” won’t work, as that is not a corrective action, it has no real benefit.
So what can we do about this? I’ve a saying that I use to challenge myself when I need to: Run into the darkness. What does that mean? Imagine standing in a silky green field, grass glimmering in the sun, and a warm breeze is the foundation for all your senses being so awake. But next to you just away from you - flat and straight cutting a straight edge across the grassy plain is a forest, dark and twisted and cold - in there only hate and fear and suffering.
So you think that you won't go in there, but guess what, look where you are standing and what you are experiencing. You are experiencing those feelings and you are not in the forest. So really, where does the forest end and your fears start? Not at the edge. No. Where you are now. The only way to truly subside fear is to face up to it. This can free us from a world of fear – how often do
we spend so much time fearing something that doesn’t happen? And if it does happen, we know that we’ll freeze because we don’t have the tools to deal with it - which is the likely reason why we fear it in the first place. Freeing ourselves from fear, gives us confidence. Exuding confidence, importantly, reduces the likelihood that we will be the targets of street violence – it reduces the balance of probability. Sounds good right? You have to be prepared to venture into the forest.
Whatever your fear is, whether it is to do with personal safety for yourself or family or something else, do something about it: run into the darkness.
Hey, if someone wants to bowl some cricket balls at me, please contact me, I’m scared silly of cricket balls and it would be good to get that sorted. The faster the bowler the better. Thanks.
putting out the rubbish late at night in Newtown, Wellington. She commented "...If anything it's a warning to young girls: Don't go out alone in the dark at all."
We all know that the rules change when night comes. Things are different, and with the darkness, there is a natural fear that goes with it. Of course, I’m not going to argue for a moment that this fear is misplaced – for it is not. I, as we all do, know that it is not misplaced.
But let me ask, do we live in more fear than we should? And if so, what can we do about this? Obviously simply thinking “I won’t fear it any more” won’t work, as that is not a corrective action, it has no real benefit.
So what can we do about this? I’ve a saying that I use to challenge myself when I need to: Run into the darkness. What does that mean? Imagine standing in a silky green field, grass glimmering in the sun, and a warm breeze is the foundation for all your senses being so awake. But next to you just away from you - flat and straight cutting a straight edge across the grassy plain is a forest, dark and twisted and cold - in there only hate and fear and suffering.
So you think that you won't go in there, but guess what, look where you are standing and what you are experiencing. You are experiencing those feelings and you are not in the forest. So really, where does the forest end and your fears start? Not at the edge. No. Where you are now. The only way to truly subside fear is to face up to it. This can free us from a world of fear – how often do
we spend so much time fearing something that doesn’t happen? And if it does happen, we know that we’ll freeze because we don’t have the tools to deal with it - which is the likely reason why we fear it in the first place. Freeing ourselves from fear, gives us confidence. Exuding confidence, importantly, reduces the likelihood that we will be the targets of street violence – it reduces the balance of probability. Sounds good right? You have to be prepared to venture into the forest.
Whatever your fear is, whether it is to do with personal safety for yourself or family or something else, do something about it: run into the darkness.
Hey, if someone wants to bowl some cricket balls at me, please contact me, I’m scared silly of cricket balls and it would be good to get that sorted. The faster the bowler the better. Thanks.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Rape Prevention Education
We have had amazing feedback from the attendees of the 'Women's Personal Safety' seminar in Auckland! As well as sharing valuable information, we also raised much needed funds for RPE! Excellent result all round, and we would like to thank everyone who helped make it happen, especially Chris Mitch and the teams at PropertyTutors and OBD design. You guys all rock!Phil
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Widen your view - Latest article by Darcy Mellsop
Just over a week ago I provided a self defence presentation as part of a Bunnings Ladies
only night. Before the presentation I was talking to a lady who supplied me
with a pretty simple perspective to self defence: Just punch him in the groin.
I said that self defence is more than physical. To which she replied: Of course, you can just
run. Me: What if you can’t run? Her: Well - just don’t be there.
Me: Is it that simple? There were over 7000 instances of assault and sexual assault
reported to Police in the Wellington region last year, surely not one of those
7000 survivors of those incidents chose to be there, so then, “just not being
there” isn’t that easy is it?
I shared with her Rachel’s story, as I had in this column 6 weeks ago. What does “just
not being there” mean? I put it to her that it can’t be about not going for a
run, not seeing a movie late at night, not meeting new people, and in Rachel’s
case, not dating ever again? Avoidance does require great decision making, but
it isn’t living at home behind a locked door all your life.
Great avoidance is about being able to live a full life knowing that your intuition
is empowered to spark when it detects something that isn’t right. Your
intuition needs to be empowered with information, which is what I shared in my
presentation, I’ve shared with you in earlier columns and will share with you
in future columns. That is self defence.
only night. Before the presentation I was talking to a lady who supplied me
with a pretty simple perspective to self defence: Just punch him in the groin.
I said that self defence is more than physical. To which she replied: Of course, you can just
run. Me: What if you can’t run? Her: Well - just don’t be there.
Me: Is it that simple? There were over 7000 instances of assault and sexual assault
reported to Police in the Wellington region last year, surely not one of those
7000 survivors of those incidents chose to be there, so then, “just not being
there” isn’t that easy is it?
I shared with her Rachel’s story, as I had in this column 6 weeks ago. What does “just
not being there” mean? I put it to her that it can’t be about not going for a
run, not seeing a movie late at night, not meeting new people, and in Rachel’s
case, not dating ever again? Avoidance does require great decision making, but
it isn’t living at home behind a locked door all your life.
Great avoidance is about being able to live a full life knowing that your intuition
is empowered to spark when it detects something that isn’t right. Your
intuition needs to be empowered with information, which is what I shared in my
presentation, I’ve shared with you in earlier columns and will share with you
in future columns. That is self defence.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Thursday, September 15, 2011
What were the signs?
Excellent short article by Darcy:
What were the signs?
Recently I had a young business woman in her mid-twenties ask me for advice so she would not again find herself in the situation she recently found herself in.
Rachel shared her story with me: I was at a party, and he must saw me there, but I didn’t meet him. When I arrived home that evening, he’d left three messages on my phone asking me out. I wasn’t so sure but decided to go out with him – he sounded nice, but I didn’t know what he looked like. Our first date was ok, but he did joke about getting married and having kids. On our second date, he mentioned getting married and having kids again and sounded almost serious. On the third date he gave me an iPhone!! I loved it. He did flip out one day when he found out that I had an ex-boyfriends number in it and he made me delete it out in front of him. He then “suggested” who I should have in the phone. He would call me all the time too, asking me what I was doing – and if he wasn’t phoning me, he’d just turn up announced at my apartment. He talked about us being together forever, soul mates. I wanted to dump him and I tried, but he’d cry and talk about killing himself. That I’d find no one better. He’s met someone else now, but while we were together, for months I just couldn’t breathe. I lost friends and I cried so often. I doubted myself. Darcy, I need to know what the signs are so I don’t meet someone like him again.
Rachel, those are the signs.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Seriously...What?
Ok, Prepare yourselves for one of my rants... :-)
There is a lot of junk 'self defence' taught out there, nobody reading this will find that to be new information. Some of it is plain comical and some of it is downright dangerous. After doing this job for so long I normally don't let it get to me when I see this stuff, I just focus on the good things I see and learn from them and aim to ignore the 'not helpful' stuff. But apparently today I must be experiencing a moment of weakness because I let what I just saw frustrate me.
I (and all of our instructors) tell every single person we train to feel free to challenge us on absolutely anything at all, and if they don't agree with us to let us know. There are no sacred cows with what we do, if we can't back up what we are teaching, really back it up, then we should not be teaching it. It is potentially people's lives at stake.
So when a mate of mine forwarded me a link of one of the 'top' self defense instructors in the USA teaching women's self defence (women's self defence is like the centre of the universe for bad advice in most cases) I expected to see quality information. A few things he said were smart and sound, and then I saw what he is teaching women to do against a potential rape...Drop onto the floor from a standing position and kick him. I kid you not. I thought about posting the link up but I think that is unprofessional so I have decided not to and this blog is more about the general problem of blindly following what we are told than this specific isolated (but not uncommon) instance.
What worried me more than the absolute rubbish advice, was that the willing group of participants seemed to be hanging on his every word and NO-ONE challenged him. No-one had a flash of common sense (or if they did they did not bring it up) and consider the real possible consequences of just this one piece of bad advice (there was more but I'll stay with this one as an example).
Drop on the ground voluntarily? Seriously? Come on, give me a break.
Yes, there are always exceptions to every rule, and yes the situation always dictates the response so there may be a time when dropping to the floor is the best option, but those times are few and far between, and to have it as the primary (or only, as in this case) option is more than just ludicrous, it is dangerous.
If I go into all of reasons why this advice is so bad I'll be writing all day, but just a couple of reasons, pre-assuming all of the behavioural, psychological, pre-contact stages have failed or were never available and a physical response is the only option, why would going to the floor on purpose for a physical response be a very dangerous thing to do?
1) That is where he probably wants you anyway. You just helped him achieve his purpose. It also gives him a physical and psychological advantage (at least in his mind).
2) You eliminate or greatly reduce your escape options. How are you supposed to get out of here, to run, to escape now? Do you really think that your kicking him in the legs, on its own, is likely to incapacitate him enough for you to stand and escape. Possible, yes. Probable, no.
3) You are now as far away as possible from the primary targets, you also reduce the grounding, distancing and torque available to you while standing if you are able to achieve a stunning strike/s to enable you to escape.
4) Your access to natural (improvised) weapons is greatly reduced.
5) His ability to stomp and kick you is maximised and the danger to you in that sense is extreme (worse still if multiple attackers). We teach to kick out at the opponent (among other things) if you are forced to the floor (thrown down, tripped, started there etc) but as a means to get back to your feet immediately! We don't want to go there volunarily to start with!
6) Try doing that on concrete by the way. Sure in reality you may have to if you end up there, but rolling around on gravel etc is not fun, it makes a mess. Environment plays a huge role.
7) Your access to your available 'tools' is now massively reduced, and his increases. This is potentially loading the dice in HIS favour and putting yourself in a real bad spot.
These are just a few of the reasons this advice is not good, there are more.
But what I want to stress is that if someone teaches you something about self defence, and they are doing it from the perspective of 'this is what you do in reality' as opposed to learning martial arts self defence etc, then think logically, ask questions, and challenge them. It is your life on the line. It is not a game. There is no way this instructor could back this up if any of our students or instructors had a debate with him on it, it would fail. It doesn't make friggin sense.
Rant over. I'll do my best to ignore the rubbish that is out there again, but just occasionally, like today, it gets to me.
There is a lot of junk 'self defence' taught out there, nobody reading this will find that to be new information. Some of it is plain comical and some of it is downright dangerous. After doing this job for so long I normally don't let it get to me when I see this stuff, I just focus on the good things I see and learn from them and aim to ignore the 'not helpful' stuff. But apparently today I must be experiencing a moment of weakness because I let what I just saw frustrate me.
I (and all of our instructors) tell every single person we train to feel free to challenge us on absolutely anything at all, and if they don't agree with us to let us know. There are no sacred cows with what we do, if we can't back up what we are teaching, really back it up, then we should not be teaching it. It is potentially people's lives at stake.
So when a mate of mine forwarded me a link of one of the 'top' self defense instructors in the USA teaching women's self defence (women's self defence is like the centre of the universe for bad advice in most cases) I expected to see quality information. A few things he said were smart and sound, and then I saw what he is teaching women to do against a potential rape...Drop onto the floor from a standing position and kick him. I kid you not. I thought about posting the link up but I think that is unprofessional so I have decided not to and this blog is more about the general problem of blindly following what we are told than this specific isolated (but not uncommon) instance.
What worried me more than the absolute rubbish advice, was that the willing group of participants seemed to be hanging on his every word and NO-ONE challenged him. No-one had a flash of common sense (or if they did they did not bring it up) and consider the real possible consequences of just this one piece of bad advice (there was more but I'll stay with this one as an example).
Drop on the ground voluntarily? Seriously? Come on, give me a break.
Yes, there are always exceptions to every rule, and yes the situation always dictates the response so there may be a time when dropping to the floor is the best option, but those times are few and far between, and to have it as the primary (or only, as in this case) option is more than just ludicrous, it is dangerous.
If I go into all of reasons why this advice is so bad I'll be writing all day, but just a couple of reasons, pre-assuming all of the behavioural, psychological, pre-contact stages have failed or were never available and a physical response is the only option, why would going to the floor on purpose for a physical response be a very dangerous thing to do?
1) That is where he probably wants you anyway. You just helped him achieve his purpose. It also gives him a physical and psychological advantage (at least in his mind).
2) You eliminate or greatly reduce your escape options. How are you supposed to get out of here, to run, to escape now? Do you really think that your kicking him in the legs, on its own, is likely to incapacitate him enough for you to stand and escape. Possible, yes. Probable, no.
3) You are now as far away as possible from the primary targets, you also reduce the grounding, distancing and torque available to you while standing if you are able to achieve a stunning strike/s to enable you to escape.
4) Your access to natural (improvised) weapons is greatly reduced.
5) His ability to stomp and kick you is maximised and the danger to you in that sense is extreme (worse still if multiple attackers). We teach to kick out at the opponent (among other things) if you are forced to the floor (thrown down, tripped, started there etc) but as a means to get back to your feet immediately! We don't want to go there volunarily to start with!
6) Try doing that on concrete by the way. Sure in reality you may have to if you end up there, but rolling around on gravel etc is not fun, it makes a mess. Environment plays a huge role.
7) Your access to your available 'tools' is now massively reduced, and his increases. This is potentially loading the dice in HIS favour and putting yourself in a real bad spot.
These are just a few of the reasons this advice is not good, there are more.
But what I want to stress is that if someone teaches you something about self defence, and they are doing it from the perspective of 'this is what you do in reality' as opposed to learning martial arts self defence etc, then think logically, ask questions, and challenge them. It is your life on the line. It is not a game. There is no way this instructor could back this up if any of our students or instructors had a debate with him on it, it would fail. It doesn't make friggin sense.
Rant over. I'll do my best to ignore the rubbish that is out there again, but just occasionally, like today, it gets to me.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Impulse...
Some kids tag a man's fence, he sees them and chases them down the road with a kitchen knife. A fight ensues and he stabs one of them. The kid dies, the man is sent to prison. Many lives are destroyed. Why didn't he get descriptions and call the police?
A man is walking with his girlfriend when they are mugged at gunpoint for her purse. Because he is a martial arts black belt he tries to physically engage the mugger and is shot dead. Why didn't they just hand over the purse?
A champion kickboxer is training when he sees someone back into his car and drive off. He chases the car down the road and tries to drag the guy out of the car when it stops at an intersection. The guys pulls a weapon and kills the kickboxer. Why didn't he just get the car's licence plate and call the Police?
A man is in his kitchen when he sees a couple of youths kick his letterbox over. He chases them down the street and catches them. One of them picks up a rock and hits him on the head and in the face repeatedly with it. He is left with severe brain damage. Why didn't he just call the Police?
And then this today:
http://nz.news.yahoo.com/a/-/top-stories/9775930/melbourne-woman-dies-in-stabbing/
Youths threw eggs at their house. So they chased them, and now the lady is dead. Why didn't they just call the Police?
I have literally dozens of real stories, like the ones above that illustrate this point. Now I know it's easy to say what they 'could have done' when no-one can say for sure what should/could/would have happened unless they were actually there, but these are straight forward enough to illustrate a point.
That point is that when people have not had any decent self defence training, they are often unable to see the context of situations when they perceive threat or are at the mercy of fear and/or anger, and often act on impulse...Often with disasterous counsequesnces. Our courses prepare peoople to deal with the behavioual and psychological aspects of these situations so that these tragic outcomes can be avoided. This is real self defence, applicable to anyone, in any area, at any age...
A man is walking with his girlfriend when they are mugged at gunpoint for her purse. Because he is a martial arts black belt he tries to physically engage the mugger and is shot dead. Why didn't they just hand over the purse?
A champion kickboxer is training when he sees someone back into his car and drive off. He chases the car down the road and tries to drag the guy out of the car when it stops at an intersection. The guys pulls a weapon and kills the kickboxer. Why didn't he just get the car's licence plate and call the Police?
A man is in his kitchen when he sees a couple of youths kick his letterbox over. He chases them down the street and catches them. One of them picks up a rock and hits him on the head and in the face repeatedly with it. He is left with severe brain damage. Why didn't he just call the Police?
And then this today:
http://nz.news.yahoo.com/a/-/top-stories/9775930/melbourne-woman-dies-in-stabbing/
Youths threw eggs at their house. So they chased them, and now the lady is dead. Why didn't they just call the Police?
I have literally dozens of real stories, like the ones above that illustrate this point. Now I know it's easy to say what they 'could have done' when no-one can say for sure what should/could/would have happened unless they were actually there, but these are straight forward enough to illustrate a point.
That point is that when people have not had any decent self defence training, they are often unable to see the context of situations when they perceive threat or are at the mercy of fear and/or anger, and often act on impulse...Often with disasterous counsequesnces. Our courses prepare peoople to deal with the behavioual and psychological aspects of these situations so that these tragic outcomes can be avoided. This is real self defence, applicable to anyone, in any area, at any age...
Schoolgirl attack warning
This article appeared in the Herald On Sunday (3/7/11, italics are mine, see below the article for my comments):
On June 23, a 12-year-old girl from the same school fought off a man's advances with a kick to the groin.
She was walking along Douglas St in Ponsonby when the man came up behind her, made lewd suggestions and grabbed her arm.
Both of the girls in these recent attacks did very well once they were confronted. Awesome in fact!
The reason this article bothered me though was this statement:
The problem is that not enough schools are taking the proactive action to get us in there to teach their kids to be safe. And that bothers me. So many times girls have been attacked, sometimes with horrendous consequences, and the opinion of many is "It's terrible, but there is nothing anyone could have done to prevent it". And that is pure apathy, and is completely ignorant. Most of these situations can be avoided (not all, but most) and that is what we teach people to do. So to hear a 17 year old girl say that nobody ever talks about this stuff, after she has been put through a terrifying situation that could have been avoided is really sad to me.
We are here for any school who needs us, but they have to take the action to get us there. I really hope this changes soon, there are many attacks such as this one, and date rapes, acquaintance rapes, stranger rapes, sexual assaults, drug rapes, and many other situations (1 in 4 kiwi girls are sexually assaulted before the age of 16) which we can help avoid with the school's help.
If you have children at school, please send them our details and insist that they run one of our safety programs for their kids. These are life skills which are no longer a 'nice-to-have', they are a necessity.
A 17-year-old girl attacked by a sexual predator while walking home from school is warning other students about the dangers of wearing iPods.
The teen is one of two St Mary's College, Auckland, students grabbed by strangers while walking to and from school. The second was barely a week ago.
Both were listening to iPods via earpieces at the time and did not hear the men behind them.
The 17-year-old, who did not want to be identified, warned others to turn down the volume on iPods or to wear only one earpiece so they were alerted to potential danger.
"It's something nobody ever talks about. People from age 12 to my age think they're invincible," she said.
In March the teen was on Hamilton Rd, five minutes from home, when a man came up behind her and "tried to grab me and drag me into a driveway", she said.
"I got such a fright. I screamed and shoved him and told him to f*** off."
On June 23, a 12-year-old girl from the same school fought off a man's advances with a kick to the groin.
She was walking along Douglas St in Ponsonby when the man came up behind her, made lewd suggestions and grabbed her arm.
Police described the man as in his 40s with long silver or grey hair and with an orange hue to his skin.
St Mary's College principal Sandy Pasley said students and parents needed to be aware of the dangers of wearing iPods, especially when walking alone.
Following the second incident, she sent a newsletter to parents warning them about the dangers and encouraged students to walk in groups if possible.
Both of the girls in these recent attacks did very well once they were confronted. Awesome in fact!
The reason this article bothered me though was this statement:
The 17-year-old, who did not want to be identified, warned others to turn down the volume on iPods or to wear only one earpiece so they were alerted to potential danger.
"It's something nobody ever talks about. People from age 12 to my age think they're invincible," she said.
Why did this bother me? Because I am saddened that this attack could potentially have been avoided if their situational awareness had not been restricted due to the ipod's blaring in their ears. And the fact is WE DO TALK ABOUT THIS! A LOT! It is a part of the safety discussions we do at every school we work with, and many other courses too. We have writtern articles about it, commented on the issue for media and many others. And not just Ipods, but drink spiking, texting, technology safety, taxi safety, getting followed, and many other safety strategies which make up just a part of the 'recognition and awareness' phase of our school courses.The problem is that not enough schools are taking the proactive action to get us in there to teach their kids to be safe. And that bothers me. So many times girls have been attacked, sometimes with horrendous consequences, and the opinion of many is "It's terrible, but there is nothing anyone could have done to prevent it". And that is pure apathy, and is completely ignorant. Most of these situations can be avoided (not all, but most) and that is what we teach people to do. So to hear a 17 year old girl say that nobody ever talks about this stuff, after she has been put through a terrifying situation that could have been avoided is really sad to me.
We are here for any school who needs us, but they have to take the action to get us there. I really hope this changes soon, there are many attacks such as this one, and date rapes, acquaintance rapes, stranger rapes, sexual assaults, drug rapes, and many other situations (1 in 4 kiwi girls are sexually assaulted before the age of 16) which we can help avoid with the school's help.
If you have children at school, please send them our details and insist that they run one of our safety programs for their kids. These are life skills which are no longer a 'nice-to-have', they are a necessity.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Wellington Charity Event: Women's Safety Seminar
Darcy Mellsop doing some awesome stuff in Wellington again! If you are in the Hutt Valley (or anywhere in Wellington, it'll be worth the travel!) be sure to get along to this information event, which is raising money for Wellington woman's refuge, organised by Anna Nankivell from Remax Lower Hutt. What a great community initiative, this will be excellent! Get there if you can! :-) Phil
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
A nice thank you...
Here is our very appreciated Certificate Of Appreciation from Hibiscus Coast Family Services. We recently held a 'Women's Self Defence Fundamentals' workshop for their team under our community support program. It was a great success with a fantastic group of people.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Times Article: Athena and Phil
'Every Woman's Guide to Being Safe...For Life' is available now at Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, Angus & Robertson and most bookstores.
Also available at our online store by clicking HERE
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